Learning from your confrontations

Confrontation teaches us what we need to know

If you do have a conversation with the wrongdoer, it may help you figure out what forgiveness looks like. Remember, we're (roughly) deciding between two options: action (treating the wrongdoer as if no wrong has occurred) and inaction (refusing to retaliate).


We must ask ourselves, “What does forgiveness look like?" both before and after our confrontation. The conversation may go well or it may go poorly. Either way, it will give us "data" on the wrongdoer. Are they repentant? Are they willing to own the problem? Where are they? This will inform our response moving forward. Do we create distance and refuse retaliation? Do we engage and treat them as if no wrong as occurred (this is, essentially, giving the offender a gift)?


Remember, forgiveness is an ongoing process, it does not have a definitive end. These conversations where we address the problem may be the very thing that tell us what forgiveness looks like in these specific circumstances.


Discernment will be key.