Element of acceptance #2: The willingness to tolerate tragedy (in both a global and personal sense) without trying to pinpoint its source
Once we got the news about Brittany’s health, we had basically two options: try to adopt, or accept life as non-parents. We knew there was a good chance we would not be able to fundraise the money for adoption and, if that happened, we would have to orient ourselves to a completely different vision of our future together. We did not want to live as a childless couple. But, we understood, life does not often give you what you want.
As people of faith, there are complicated questions that arise as a result of being confronted with that painful reality: Does God love me? Does God care how I experience my own life? Does God truly provide for his people? Why is this happening?
Now, the temptation in hindsight is to say, “Of course he does! Look how he provided for you and made you parents!” Yes, he did, that is true. However, it is also true that there are plenty of people in this world who love God, and want to become parents, who do not become parents. Do we think God does not love them and did not provide for them?
I personally do not believe that. I believe God’s love for us is steadfast and present regardless of whether or not Brittany and I became parents. It is not easy for me to believe that. It is not some kind of unwavering confidence. It is shaky and filled with doubt. Yet, this is my attempt to tolerate tragedy without pinpointing its source. What I mean is, I’m intentionally trying not to try to figure out why this happened.
More on this tomorrow.