Flexibility

Another component of resilience is the capacity to be flexible.  This is also key for emotional adjustment and maturity. Rigidity is not good for us.  I understand this because I read a lot of true crime books and of course, binge watch Criminal Minds like it is a part time job.  The really psychopathic demons on those shows inevitably are compulsive neat freaks. I am not suggesting that excessively neat people are serial killers but extreme rigidity is problematic!  The capacity to be flexible in terms of how we think, what we do, and even our core beliefs create the strength within us to have more resilience than the guy who demands precision and a rigid routine as a lifestyle choice.

 

Don’t buy the serial killer idea?  Ok, I can be FLEXIBLE.

 

Did you know that research indicates that folks who have messy offices tend to be more creative and better problem solvers than someone whose desk is arranged with military precision?

 

The promises of AA and the program itself asks participants to dare to believe that their whole attitude and outlook on life will change.  They expect and validate the concept of service to others. They talk about giving away what you have in order to keep what you received (meaning the gift of sobriety) through sharing experiences, strength and hope. This is often in the form of “12 stepping” and it involves going to help fellow sufferers in their time of need.  This is difficult and usually inconvenient work. I have found that overdoses and rough landings on “bottoms” rarely occur during office hours. This requires massive amounts of flexibility but lest we forget, it holds the promise of a better life for those who practice this service work.

 

How is your flexibility?  Are you able to bend your preferences to a higher power?  Can you go with the flow? Or do others find you difficult?

Belonging leads to resilience

If you participate at NSC this first point is going to feel sooo boring, but it is further confirmation that we are onto something when we nag, cajole, and entice our tribe to show up for one another!

 

It turns out that relationships are a key factor in whether or not a person has the capacity for resilience.  Resilient people have relationships (in and outside of the family) that offer love, encouragement, reassurance, acceptance, validation and the occasional dollop of accountability.  Being connected to others helps us practice skills necessary for sturdiness in the face of suffering and provide soft places to land when we trip and fall.

 

This is absolutely an essential thing to add to a life plan for those seeking a better life.  Because this is true, I continue my faithful support of the mutual aid societies as a viable element of any treatment plan.

 

Why?  Glad you asked!!

 

First, notice the language of AA, etc.  It’s “WE” this and “WE” that. They even have a saying, “Keep coming back; it works if you work it!”  Which is catchy and makes for a nice little chant at the end of a meeting - but here’s the rest of the story.

 

The mutual aid societies never ask us to get well in order to belong.  The only requirement for joining is the DESIRE to get sober. This is a beautiful way for desperate people to find a sense of belonging and connection and even shared purpose (get sober).  It turns out all of these elements help build...what? Yes! Resilience! Go team!

 

Are you taking the 12 steps for granted?  Do you long for something newer, shinier, perkier?  Maybe rethink that position!