What Do You Need?

If I were drawing a road map for recovery, I would be a different human because I cannot draw.  But I do have some thoughts on the general structure of the long and winding road to healing.  Here’s something to consider.

My toddler friends have got it going on.  They state their needs and wants with shrill clarity.  If we do not hit the mark, that’s ok, but it’s not like they just sit down and take our inadequacy.  Norah likes protein bars, but not the peanut butter or chocolate ones.  Christian likes the peanut butter protein bars, hates the chocolate ones but will take them anyway and just stuff them in a couch cushion.  They all taste the same to me.  Sometimes I try to trick them if I am out of one or the other.  It never works.  They don’t judge me, they just do not eat the bar.

Eventually, these kids will grow up and lose their innocent demands for everything they want.  We call that maturity.  I’m starting to wonder if it is best described as trauma.  Look, I’m not looking for turning the world into a bunch of spoiled brats.  

What I am suggesting is that we have lost our mojo as adults in this area.  Or maybe it is just me?  Definitely this is a me problem.  

But I wonder...do others also need to hear that their needs are not a problem?  That it is perfectly fine to have wants too?  That expressing such things is helpful for both the asker and the receiver?

We learn from the process.

We learn about each other.  

We learn who can hold our requests and who cannot.  

None of these discoveries is inherently a bad thing.

I think one of my childhood experiences included being careful what you ask for so as not to get disappointed.  But my friend Ginny once taught me that if you do not ask, you never get a “yes”.  That’s good advice.

So for today, maybe think about what you need and then consider who the appropriate person is to express that need to.  Consider what you want, and ask yourself how you can take responsibility to make that happen.