Friendship
The other day Pete and I were out walking and I was talking about friendship. We're at that stage of life, old age, that I now need him to remember things I learn. I share it so Pete can help me remember what I learned and so desperately want to apply to my life but will probably forget. I went on and on about what I had learned about friendship in the last year and he listened in that fully engaged way that I adore.
Later, I came upon this quote: "Proust said that friendship is the lie that we tell ourselves to deceive ourselves that we are not alone. I say that friends, wisely chosen, aid us not only in self-deceit but also in pursuit of self-truth." (p. 184, Accidental Preacher by Will Willimon)
There is value in both the deceit and the truth.
Only the Amplified Bible translation - you know the one - with all its ridiculously frequent "extra" comments of clarification - suits such an important topic:
The man of too many friends [chosen indiscriminately] will be broken in pieces and come to ruin, but there is a [true, loving] friend who [is reliable and] sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:24
I'm the lucky girl who does have a brother who sticks close but I see the writer's point. And although I understand what Proust is getting at with his realization that we are often alone even with friends I kind of like the book of Proverbs and Willimon's frame of reference. When you can find a friend who tells you your jeans do NOT make your tush look like the size of Texas (once you're wearing them and there is no turning back) AND will tell you when your have spinach stuck between your teeth (because this is a problem that can be fixed), you stick close. Lean in. Love well. Because it may be true that we will have dark nights of the soul when we are absolutely, terrifyingly alone, it is also true that there will be glorious times standing under shooting stars in the foothills of Texas and perfect evenings in a tropical land where you apply fresh aloe to Pete's sunburnt feet with the help of your friends while Pete stands in a bathtub wearing Bermuda shorts and a frown.
I may forget what I've learned about choosing friends indiscriminately; but what I hope I always remember is to stick close and lean in - because that's who I want to be when I grow up.
