Jesus’ Certain Way of Seeing

I have a really good friend who changes churches every few years. Me being me, I find this so interesting. "Why do you do that?" I asked.

"I like the feeling of being new." She replies.

"New?" I do not understand.

"I like being the new person, getting the goodies, having people go out of their way to greet me and make me feel at home!" Wow. This would have never occurred to me.

Aren't people so interesting? I never want to be the new girl. I grew up being the new girl-different states, towns, cities and schools. I hated that. My big dream was to grow up and know the names of the people who checked out my groceries. I wanted my youngest child to hear, "Oh, you're a McBean!" (He was not so enamored with this.) I loved it that a substitute teacher at James River High School once taught both me and my husband and she loved to point this out to my kids. (I believe, rightfully so, that she gets a little credit for their existence.) I want to be the girl people know so well that no one is startled if I show up without make-up wearing sweatpants. I want people to take me for granted and ask me to unplug the clogged toilet - but that's just me.

My friend has a different take on life. Her life is more meaningful if she is finding new experiences; I find meaning in the comfort of feeling a part of history - connected, tied down, anchored. Jesus had a particular take on how he defined meaning in life too, one that was at odds with his best friends Mary and Martha. Tomorrow's blog will dive into the day Jesus was their biggest disappointment.

Jesus Died so That We Would Have More Wheat

"The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. Those who love their life will lose it, while those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life."

John 12:23-24 NIV

I will never communicate this with the clarity of Barbara Brown Taylor through her sermon "Unless a Grain Falls" in her book Teaching Sermons on Pain, but here goes....

When I was a little girl, my grandparents' very southern Baptist preacher drilled into my head that it was my fault Jesus died. That's a lot for a seven year old to handle. But according to him, Jesus had to die because my sins needed to be atoned for. This made sense to me, because the previous fall my mother had taken me and my three younger brothers to Kmart to buy school supplies. While there I found the most beautiful jewel-toned pen. It was the kind that came with ink cartridges and had an amazing silver tip. I begged my mother for this pen. I promised all sorts of acts of service to earn the money for this pen. She said no. I stole it.

My life as a thief was short-lived because it did not net me decent results. You see, this pen was so perfect, so magical, so....charming, that one of the kids at school stole it from me. I told the teacher and she couldn't figure out who was telling the truth. So she told me to have my mother write a note and offer proof that this was my pen. The other kid, it seems, was innocent until proven guilty. The problem was, I could not acquire said note unless I confessed my own thieving ways - and no way could I do that! The following summer when I heard the preacher wax on about how I had killed Jesus, the guilt and shame was overwhelming. It replaced my bitterness at losing my precious pen to the class bully. Suddenly, the pen felt like a sword I had unintentionally used to carve up God's son.

But according to Taylor, who got her information from John, "Jesus died to fill the world with wheat, with so many sons and daughters of God that no one would ever want for read again. Only in order to do that, the seed had to be planted. It had to die, or it would never grow." (p. 64, Teaching Sermons on Pain)

Jesus had a choice. He could have given into temptation and ridden the wave of popularity. A few more resurrections like he pulled off with Lazarus and Jesus would have been set for life. But it would not have been enough to sustain God's message so that it would reach us and renew us in 2021. Jesus' choice taught us that death is not the end nor is the worst thing that could happen to a person. Jesus taught us that suffering is not something we should (or could) avoid. Jesus narrated his own death story in such a way as to prove to us that God is not mad at us nor is he still demanding live sacrifices to please his hungry, thirsty quest for self-satisfaction. (As if God needs us to give him stuff!)

Jesus was never moved off his trajectory - to love his father and do his will. Jesus showed us that suffering can be endured and redeemed. Jesus invited us to follow him and offer whatever we have to give - the smallest seed - to God, to see what he might do with it.

I am so curious - what would suffering within the context of following God's call mean for you?

“Asking the Right Person for the Wrong Thing."

In Barbara Taylor Brown's book, Teaching Sermons on Suffering, she reminds us of the Zebedee brothers, who got their mom to ask Jesus to make them his right and left hand men (See Matthew 20 for all the lovely details). Embarrassing, right? When we get our mom to do our work, certainly we do not want to get caught - much less have it recorded in the Bible!

But there it is. Here is how Jesus responds to James and John. "You will indeed drink my cup," he says to them, "but to sit at my right hand and at my left, this is not mine to grant." Barbara adds this, "They have, in other words, asked the right person for the wrong thing. They have asked the shepherd for individual retirement accounts. They have asked the footwasher for alligator shoes. They have asked the carpenter's son for box seats in paradise, and none of them is his to give. he can heal lepers and coast out demons; he can give sight to the blind and he can even raise the dead, but he cannot confer status or guarantee income or grant heavenly perks, because he does not have any of them to give." (p. 55, Teaching Sermons on Suffering)

So there it is. Right there in print. Want a demotion? Want to take on the role of servant? Go to Jesus. Want a robust retirement account? Be frugal and save your pennies.

What are you asking Jesus for?

Speaking Back Into This Idea of Digging Deep Within

I have a confession to make. My life does not seem interested in telling me who I am. This makes a quote from Parker Palmer a problem for me when he says, "Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am."

Here is a Willimon (p. 55, Accidental Pastor) response:

"Without a Christ who summons, Palmer's sweet voice within is the best we can muster. But who, intently listening to his or her own subjectivity, risks anything as costly and crazy as God routine demands?

'Mary, how did you decide, by listening to your life, to become pregnant out of wedlock, have a sword pierce your soul, and bear the crucified Son of god into the world?"

See what I mean?

Vocation is not an inner inclination awaiting discovery by rooting around in the recesses of the ego. As Jesus succinctly says, 'Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit' John 15:16"

If we combine Palmer's conviction that the Spirit within us has something to say and Willimon's reminder that God's handing out all the calling assignments, then I think we see an unfolding of something interesting to ponder. Because here is the thing that resonates with me personally. When God squeezes my shoulder (Willimon's point) and whispers in my ear, something deep inside me stirs and like a responsive reading in church my inmost being says (Palmer's point), "Yes. Oh yes. That is true."

These are truths I know but cannot articulate. These are truths I feel but cannot identify. These are truths that I can act on but not without external guidance and the gift of wisdom and discernment. So yes, yes, this is true. To know ourselves is to know God and to know God is to know ourself (bad paraphrase from Pythagoras). But confuse God's voice with our own ego speaking in a loud inside voice is a problem.

Vocation, Calling and Tough Talk

"Vocation is not evoked by your bundle of need and desire."

Dr. William Willimon, p. 54, Accidental Pastor

We spend a lot of time thinking about who we want to be when we grow up. We encourage our kids to plan for their future. Maybe we point out early signs of talent or giftedness and stretch our bony pointy finger to the future with no small amount of anxiety and say, "Child, maybe go thataway..." We take personality tests, aptitude tests and find our strengths. We shore up our weaknesses or at least try to defend or camouflage them. We try to find careers, callings and hobbies that help us find our bliss. My niece Kaitlin dreamed about being a veterinarian and now she is one! My nephew Robby told me once he was going to ride a rocket to Mars - who knows, maybe he will!

The super fortunate among us smash up all these ideas and opportunities and sometimes end up with a legitimate sense of calling. But after obsessing over the writings of Will Willimon, I no longer think calling and vocation should feel like a roll of the dice.

Listen to this quote:

"Vocation is what God wants from you whereby your life is transformed into a consequence of God's redemption the world. Look no further than Jesus's disciples - remarkably mediocre, untalented, lackluster yokels - to see that innate talent or inner yearning has less to do with vocation than God's thing for redeeming lives by assigning us something to do for God."

Dr. William Willimon, Accidental Preacher, p. 54

Think about this. The door is wide open. The needle does not have to be threaded. God wants something from us and our life is the consequence. We're assigned a job. Be a faithful partner - so don't kiss strangers you find attractive and want to assert power over. Be a faithful grandparent - still figuring what that looks like, but I am practicing the role by giving my grandchildren sugar and always saying "Yes". Be a faithful pastor - figure out how to keep serving others even when all you can imagine doing is crying for unending stretches of time. On and on the roles go that we are assigned. Our vocation and calling is not diminished by our lack of enthusiasm or talent for the job assigned. Think harder. See if this clarifies things for you and opens you up a bit to a renewed commitment to practice.