Closing Thoughts on Positive Faith

In closing out this series on positive faith- here’s what I might like you to takeaway, if I had my druthers. (If you haven’t read the series visit: northstarcommunity.com/devotionals to see what I’m on about).

Faith doesn’t have to be (and shouldn’t be) about:

-Living in shame

-Viewing yourself as bad, wrong, or evil

-Avoiding “bad” behaviors

-Blaming ourselves or others for suffering

Faith can be about:

-A God who comforts, loves, protects, and provides

-Building each other up

-Encouraging each other

-Looking for the good in each other

-Growing as a result of these

Faith and, and should be, a sense of connection to God, our neighbor, ourselves, and even creation itself. This connection provides a sense of peace about our place in the world- as well as a source of joy and hope. Faith encourages us to continue to look life directly in the face, even when it’s difficult, and to refuse to back down. Not because we’re strong or macho, but because we believe God will give us what we need to get from one moment to the next, and because we believe that surviving is the ultimate display of faith in action.

God has designed each of us. You have gifts, and strengths. You have something to offer. Too often faith communities have asked us to ignore, or even suppress, these things because of some wrong-headed notion that it might somehow take attention away from God.

I say no. The things that make you unique only point to beauty and depth of God’s creativity. So, please, if you can, embrace everything that makes you you. I kinda think that’s what God wants.

Choosing the Right Connections

Stressed out people often have an unmet hunger for connection, and may go looking for connection in inappropriate places. Sometimes, it's all about availability. Other times, we are not making wise choices. Who knows all the reasons we settle for relationships that do not satisfy our need for trust and authenticity?

Here are some signs to look out for:

1. If you keep asking yourself, "Am I crazy or is this inappropriate/wrong, etc.?" Find trusted advisors for a reality check, but chances are, if you are feeling crazy, someone may be gaslighting you. (Gaslighting - when someone persistently puts forth a false narrative so that you will doubt your own perceptions.)

2. If you feel "not enough." None of us are enough; we are not supposed to be enough. We are fully human. If other people keep sending you the message that you are not enough, you need new peeps! Who are our people? People who see our flaws, weaknesses and insecurities and love us because of them! Our people are the ones who do not expect us to "meet expectations." Our people are not in denial, they are just not demanding. Find your people!!

3. If you are sad. Sadness is the canary in the tunnel we watch out for. Sadness is the signal that we need to reach out and grab a hand for support.

4. If you are filled with rage. Rage is telling us to pay attention. Instead of using it for evil, find people who can help you use it for fuel to create safety and security for yourself or others.

The Cycle Continues…

In Emily and Amelia Nagoski's book Burnout - the Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, they explain what this strange thing is and how we can use this knowledge to heal ourselves and support the healing of others. This information has proven helpful to me.

During the pandemic our community shut its doors and went to all virtual meetings for a solid year. During that time, people died and needed burying. Women had miscarriages. Children overdosed. Jobs were lost. Childcare became tricky for working parents. Weddings were planned and then postponed. There was no predictable end date when we could "get back to normal." People held different opinions on how we should approach this problem.

We are a hugging, hanging out kind of community. Many of us attend AA, NA, OA or another A. It's drummed into our heads that connection is key for survival. Zoom does not feel like connection. We are an economically diverse community - not everyone could connect virtually. It was a hot mess. And a chronic stressor. Every morning we woke up to the same chronic stress.

Our families had needs and we could not meet them in the same way we typically address needs. I don't know if you've noticed or not, but when people are really stressed out, their brains do not necessarily connect the dots. Pandemics make everything weird, which is fine so long as life is pretty normal otherwise. But what do you do when the funeral home tells you that visitors are not welcomed or masks are required and your spouse's side of the family believes that masks are the tool of the devil? This really happens!

Enter social appropriateness. A pastor cannot run just because we feel like hiding. A pastor cannot punch a guy in the face just because he calls you an abomination for wearing a mask. But our stress response does indeed tell us to run, punch, yell, kick, bite...survive. (Just so you know: pastors are NOT their job title.)

I remember one time when a guy at a conference I was speaking at tried to touch my breasts by using an excuse about adjusting my microphone. I averted the situation but I did not stop my stress cycle because I was polite. This does not complete the stress cycle.

What are we to do? We have to figure out how to complete the stress cycle or the chronic stress will figure out how to drop us to our knees.

To be continued…

Too Much Attention to Detail!?

"To be content means that you realize you contain what you seek."

Alan Cohen

Dr. Spock was a Star Trek super hero, know for his lack of emotionality and his vast capacity to hold vast stores of data and information between his two pointy ears. Since he was a movie character, this did not hold him back from being an influential part of the Star Trek team. But for the rest of us mere mortals, it is important to not only have expertise, it is also necessary to engage others and make relational connections. Influential people leverage their personal relationships. They pay attention not only to the data, but to the people to whom the data applies.

Could this be you? Are you sometimes too much in the weeds of the details and fail to notice the people in your life who may need your attention?

Making Adjustments

"To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart."

Eleanor Roosevelt

My grandson's kindergarten is very focused on emotional intelligence and relationship connections - which I love so much! They inspire me! But it is possible to become so attached to an emotional experience that we fail to address questions related to what is working well and connecting with people around what they feel confident about. I appreciate how they told the parents to watch out for back-to-school meltdowns BUT it was also helpful when they reminded the parents what the kids needed to bring in their backpacks!

It's all a great balancing act!

Could this be you? Are you in balance with your head, heart and body? Anything need an adjustment?