Suffering is not Strength…

During my five years of intense suffering, I ultimately learned to surround myself with people who could focus on what was working, not ONLY what was broken. Maybe you need someone to kick your ass and get you into gear. I did not. The world was already kicking my ass. My father was already breaking my heart into a million pieces. My community, thanks pandemic, was in a state of flux and not everyone handled that well. All of it was TOO MUCH. But even in the midst of a fair amount of bad behaving, little lanterns of light were present.

This is a moment where I want to be brutally honest with you. I honestly have come through this tunnel with the strongly held conviction that no one needs an ass whooping. No one. I do not think it works. So maybe you think you need that, I would ask you to reconsider. I once had this young woman in my life who went off to college and came back....different. She had found a church near her college campus and she was thrilled with it. She reported to me saying, "You know, I realize that I need to go to a church where the pastor makes me feel ashamed each week so that I can be inspired to do better during the week." My heart sank. These were the days before I myself was a pastor, but even in all my ignorance, something about that just felt off to me.

This is a powerful human in her own right. She is assertive and strong and hears the cries of the marginalized and hopeless and DOES SOMETHING to alleviate their suffering. If anyone could take a licking and keep on ticking it's her. But this is not sustainable, in my opinion. One day, she will feel her vulnerability. And when that day comes, she may need something quite different. And if I may be so bold, she needs something quite different even when she feels strong and in control. Because all this shaming and her certainty that she can rise to the challenge actually strengthens her weaknesses. It makes her less vulnerable. It makes her more judgy and critical and I could see my younger self in her intense and sincere features. So I went home from our coffee date and cried.

Anticipate the Positives

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

Thomas A. Edison

For people like me, we do not ever think much about success. We expect things to go wrong; we anticipate failure. This is certainly a good trait to have when you find yourself going up a curvy, two-lane mountain road in Colorado with a huge trailer in front of you dropping large pipes. Walls of rock are on one side, a cliff on the other and cars headed down while the cars behind the truck are bobbing and weaving, trying to miss the pipes without hitting a rock wall, an oncoming car, or taking a nosedive over the cliff. True story. It happened to me and I was cool as a cucumber. I've been telling Pete for years to watch out for this car or that truck. The poor man has had to anticipate so many dangers that never occurred, that we were lucky he was not driving that snowy afternoon on a mountain pass. He would have never believed me! Anticipating problems can be a good thing - if there are real problems. But I can get so focused on what might happen that I forget to articulate the positives that are accomplished each and every day. This is not inspiring. People like me need to do better at expressing good news!

Could this be you too? How can we get better at this?

A Teammate…

"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

Eleanor Roosevelt

My son and teammate Scott has been a huge influencer in my life. Just today he responding to a crushing email with such knowledge, wisdom and patience that I could only sit for awhile in gratitude for the gift that he is to me - both as a son and colleague. Enneagram Fives are objective; which inspires me, a person who can be reactionary. We may not always agree with their conclusions, but we can trust that they have both the relevant data and facts. They will not obfuscate the truth to win.

Could this be you? Can you think of others in your life who have this capacity and inspire you?

A Creative…

"View your life from your funeral: Looking back at your life experiences, what have you accomplished? What would you have wanted to accomplish but didn't? What were the happy moments? What were the sad? What would you do again, and what wouldn't you do?"

Victor Frankl

My go-get-'em tiger friends on occasion take short cuts; they do not worry about perfection; they want results. Which is why it is also good to know influencers who inspire through creativity. One of my sons is about to release his second album. It is so good. I keep telling him that he should release a recommended reading list of books on history, philosophy, sports and politics that have inspired his lyrics. The musical vibe may be cheerful and even a bit pop-ish at times. The beat gets my feet moving. But the message? Wow. It is broad and long and deep.

Creatives long for and require authenticity; they stand close to their values in all they do. They inspire me.

Could this be you? Can you think of others in your life who have this capacity and inspire you?

A Leader…

"Power isn't control at all-power is strength, and giving that strength to others. A leader isn't someone who forces others to make him stronger; a leader is someone willing to give his strength to others that they may have the strength to stand on their own."

Beth Revis

Not all influencers are warm and fuzzy and bring me skinny vanilla decaf latte's when they come over to visit. These influencers are strong and high energy. They often display an uncanny ability to set aside not only their feelings, but mine. They are efficient, effective, and get stuff done. I am in awe of the single-minded capacity of this type of influencer to use their ability to read a group and figure out what needs to be done to achieve its desired goals.

Could this be you? Can you think of others in your life who have this capacity and inspire you?