An Ideal Process Part I

One piece of an ideal process is diligence, or what I called yesterday, wholeheartedness.  It means we are dedicated and attentive to our process.  We take the process seriously because, as Colossians reminded us, faithful people take all aspects of life seriously.  We invest all the effort or energy we have on hand (for that particular area of our lives) in the process itself.  At a given moment in time, we only posses a finite amount of time, energy, and resources to throw at a particular process, but we invest what we have.  We give to the process what we have to give and we do it consciously.  That is diligence.

Footnote:  If you're wondering at this point, "What am I in process of doing?" Then that's a fair question.  Hang with me on that.  The short answer is:  everything.  Until we unpack further, here's a few examples:  If you work, you are in the process of becoming an employee (even if you are already working and being paid).  If you have children, you are in the process of becoming a parent (even if you are already parenting).  If you are in recovery, you are in the process of recovery (even if you are already sober).  We are all always in process of becoming different versions of ourselves in each of our roles. 

What is "Process"?

Whatever you do, do it from the heart for the Lord and not for people.  Colossians 3:23, CEB

A dictionary would suggest process is the act of working towards a particular end.  

Let's add some of our own NSC flare.  We do not want to speak of process only in terms of what it is, but how we approach it as faithful people in recovery.  My assumption here is that there is something profoundly spiritual about wholeheartedly committing ourselves to whatever we do- even if the task at hand seems particularly banal and insignificant.  This is the essence of, “…[practicing] these principles in all of our affairs."  And so, feeling bold, I'll suggest that faith calls us to approach process, in life, in a specific way.  I believe (tentatively) that there is an "ideal" approach to process (not that we're here to judge the ways in which we fall short of this ideal- because we're not).  

Over the next couple of days I'll explore a couple of key factors that go into an "ideal" process.   

The Means are the Ends

To say we’re a goal-oriented society is a massive understatement.  Goals are good, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing inherently wrong with setting and working towards goals.  However, it is possible to become too goal-oriented.  Not only are we a goal-oriented society but we are an achievement-oriented society.  In fact, we’re more or less taught that goals are only goals if they have something to do with productivity and achievement.  They must be measurable or they are not goals.  Further, success and the appearance of success represent the highest form of status.  The ends justify the means, so the saying goes.  This is just another way of saying that the means don’t matter.  We’ve taken this to the extreme.  

It comes as no surprise then that families want to know, first and foremost, how do I get my loved one sober?  It’s an honest question, I get it, but it isn’t necessarily realistic.  In my role as a sort of “guide,” I can’t answer that question.  I can only answer the question, “Where do we begin?”  

Once we (as a society) mix our results-obsession with our increasingly short attention spans and decreasing patience for delayed gratification we end up with a large group of people who are overly attentive to the “ends” of things and rather neglectful about the means through which we arrive at them.  In other words, we pay attention to results and overlook the profound spiritual depth of process.

What do I mean when I say "process"?  

Check back tomorrow.

Learning to prepare for uncertainty

It seems to me that, in this day and age, in our culture, people only become willing to address problems when a particular problem builds to the level of “crisis.”  I do not know why this is the case, other than the obvious explanation of convenience.  It’s simply inconvenient to be proactive about something that isn’t yet a /big/ problem.  Because I do not know exactly why this happens I also cannot make recommendations about how one changes this habit but, in spite of that, I do want to argue the importance of learning to prepare.  

It's impossible to prepare for all possible circumstances that may come our way.  It may even be impossible to prepare for circumstances that seem likely to come our way.  I do believe, though, that in some small, humble ways we can learn to view life itself as preparation for the unpredictable and the unknowable.  As we spend a few days talking about the importance of becoming process-oriented, I'd like us to begin to see preparation as a result in and of itself, rather than something we do only in order to achieve a result.  

Discovering our own need for help

Read yesterday’s post before today’s.  

Yesterday I began to tell the story of a frustrated couple from our Family Education Program who believed that they were not getting the information they needed in order to inspire their loved one to take treatment seriously.  

I heard in their voices frustration, disappointment, fear, anxiety, and, perhaps, isolation (they did not believe other people had the same difficulty they did).  All of these feelings and experiences are real and burdensome.  I feel for them.  

Mom and I meet with families every week to discuss how to be helpful to loved ones needing recovery.  We always pass on a few key things we’ve learned.  These keys look something like this:  You can’t necessarily make someone enter treatment, but there are some skills you can learn and practice that assist a person in discovering that treatment and recovery are good ideas worth pursuing.  The portion of the family that knows that recovery is necessary needs to pursue their own recovery because everyone involved needs healing, support, encouragement, and education and these factors combined create an environment where recovery is more possible than it might otherwise be.  

The frustrated family’s problem, I think, is the belief that there is a hidden key somewhere that will unlock a door that provides a solution.  They believe that there is some trick no one is telling them that will give them their desired goal, their desired end.  They are solutions-focused and not yet process-oriented.  

I say this not to judge them.  I do not believe it is their fault and I believe it is totally understandable.  I believe everyone who has this sort of problem begins roughly in this place.  But it has got me thinking about the difference between being solutions-oriented people verses process-oriented people (of course, we can probably mix both, it doesn’t have to be a choice).  

And so, I want to spend a few days writing about the nature of process.