Weekly Blog

Tips, Tricks, Skills, Spirituality and Wisdom

Teresa McBean 4/21/18 Teresa McBean 4/21/18

Success and isolation

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From yesterday: What we "want" is not the only factor in formulating a vision for success and meaning in life- we need to find a way to take into account our friends, families, and communities, their needs, and their desires, in order for the pursuit of success to add meaning to our lives. Click here to get caught up.

The workplace is merely one aspect of life. It can never offer complete meaning because no single thing can. If our view of success is limited to the workplace then we will live isolated lives. I do not mean isolation strictly in terms of people or community (as we discussed yesterday)- but the general experience of disconnectedness that results from such a singularly focused pursuit. The primary disconnect is internal- it is the realization that our lives are somehow less than they otherwise might be. The consequence is that we will live as disconnected people, disconnected from our family, friends, and communities. We will not be whole. As a result we will struggle to find lasting hope, joy, and meaning.

I'm of the opinion (as always, I could be wrong) that becoming a successful person is the result of living as a unified, whole person. Take, for instance, the opposite: Steve Jobs. Jobs relentlessly pursued one thing with his life and, in a traditional sense, was highly successful. He had wealth and prestige by the truckload. And, yet, by all accounts, he was a miserable sod who burned every relational bridge in his life.

I'm not here to judge Steve Jobs, but he serves as a perfect object lesson for my point: if we're too narrowly focused on one thing in life we will not live up to our calling to become as human as we possibly can. And so, we must continue to reframe success.

Teresa McBean 4/20/18 Teresa McBean 4/20/18

Moving towards a new vision for success

From yesterday: How do we find an alternative that does stimulate us while also fostering our growth as people in recovery and people of faith who desire to reflect God's image in our lives? It starts with the realization that there is no one-size fits-all solution...I'm hoping this string of devotionals will inspire you to formulate your own vision of success based on your priorities. Click here to get caught up.

Part of the reason that there is no one-size fits-all solution for defining success is that we all have different relationships to our friends, families, and communities. Why am I bringing them into this? Any reasonably meaningful definition of success will take a person's "hut" into account. We tend to begin defining success discussing what we want to pursue in order to become successful. Our desires are part of the equation, but only a part.

What we "want" is not the only factor in formulating a vision for success and meaning in life- we need to find a way to take into account our friends, families, communities, and their needs and desires, in order for the pursuit of success to add meaning to our lives. In other words, we must be willing to sacrifice in service to those we love. Sacrifice helps us find success, meaning, and purpose because it connects us to the sensation that we're pursuing a common good, one higher than our own ambition.

Teresa McBean 4/19/18 Teresa McBean 4/19/18

Success, hope, and joy

From yesterday: What vision of success fosters hope, joy, and meaning, rather than anxiety and competition? Click here to get caught up.

The primary problem we all have with our culture's definition of success (acquiring wealth and prestige), whether we know it or not, is that it is dehumanizing. It does not foster meaning, provide us with hope, or fill us with joy. It does not provide us an identity or sense of self that can withstand our failures in life- which we will inevitably have. At least, it (wealth and prestige) can not provide us these things in the long run. We may have individual moments of each but, ultimately, we find ourselves living in despair if our aims are as low as wealth and prestige.

How do we find an alternative that does stimulate us while also fostering our growth as people in recovery and people of faith who desire to reflect God's image in our lives?

It starts with the realization that there is no one-size fits-all solution. People want different things from their lives and people find meaning in different places, even if we share the lenses of faith and recovery in common. In other words, I'm hoping this string of devotionals will inspire you to formulate your own vision of success based on your priorities.

Success, desire, and shame

Continuing on from yesterday...click here to get caught up.

I would hazard a guess that most of us reading this recognize life is about much more than doing well financially and gaining prestige. Yet, I would also hazard a guess that each of us lives with some anxiety about how well we do financially in relation to our peers and fear we do not receive the recognition we deserve. Cognitively, we understand our culture's definition of success does not lead us where we want to go. It leads only to an endless cycle of competition and anxiety. No matter how well you do, there is always someone out there who is better at your "thing," who has more wealth, who has more prestige. We recognize, intellectually, that the only ends of this pursuit are disappointment, shame, regret, and such things.

Emotionally, I'm not so sure. The "heart space" does not easily conform to what we "know" because our deepest desires, too heavily ingrained to be swayed by thoughts alone, push us towards wealth and prestige in spite of our mental reminders to choose a more nuanced or noble goal. When we live in tension between what we "know" and what we "desire" then we're stuck with the resulting shame of believing we aren't living how we should be.

And so, we have lingering questions.

What vision of success fosters hope, joy, and meaning, rather than anxiety and competition?

How might we internalize such a vision so we do not live in a perpetual state of shame over the fact that we do not desire what we should desire?

Teresa McBean 4/17/18 Teresa McBean 4/17/18

How do you determine success?

Success, as a topic, has come up a few times in our Wednesday night men's group lately. It is no secret that our culture is a success-oriented culture, meaning, it is a core value. Our culture does not have a clear definition of success, but we all know the primary signs: wealth and prestige.

One can acquire wealth without gaining prestige. For instance, the "Pharma Bro" Martin Shkreli earned great wealth but did so in such a manner as to gain notoriety, not prestige. The opposite is also true, one can become prestigious without acquiring wealth. We may think of various artists or writers. Regardless, we rarely think of success without at least one of these elements present.

In part, this is because of compartmentalization. We think of success in terms of the "work life" but we do not often think of success in other areas and so we remain limited in the categories at our disposal to define it (in this case only two, wealth and prestige).

What would it mean for the "work life" to represent only one piece of our view of success (rather than the totality)?

What would it mean to be a successful person?

This is what we're going to talk about for a few days. I'm going to start with a little theory- my attempt to wrestle with, and try to make sense of, this difficult topic (nine days to be exact- hang with me- the practical side is always better if I'm allowed a little time to play in the mud first). Then, we'll talk practical specifics.