More on creating opportunities for joy

What else creates opportunities for joy?

Be in the habit of knowing what you need in life, and voicing that when necessary.

I’m not talking about want’s here. I’m talking about true needs.

In my case, there can be a blurry line between “want” and “need” and the only way for me to discern it is to be, well, discerning. In order to avoid going off the absolute deep end, I need time alone. I need to be quiet. I need silence. I need time to gather myself, time to evaluate my life. This is a legitimate need and so, when it’s not happening, I have conversations with Brittany about how we can create space for that.

However, I also very much enjoy being alone. Sometimes I like it so much that I’ll ask for more of that time than I really need. This is when a need becomes a want and evolves into something selfish and potentially destructive.

Spend time identifying needs. Also spend time identifying what it looks like for that need to be met, so that you know when you’re crossing over the threshold into risky territory. This will not only create opportunities for joy, it maintains balance and relational harmony with those you love.

What else creates opportunities for joy? Let us know in the comments.

Are you willing to pursue what is good no matter the outcome?

Yesterday we asked the question, can we pursue what we know is good for us even if it isn’t a magical cure for all of our pain?

So, we know the importance of taking care of our bodies physically and practicing gratitude. What else do we need to pursue?

Depth of relationship. I have a hard time believing that anything is more important than this. You need relationships where you can expose the totality of who you are as a person, and what you do as a person, and open yourself to feedback and wisdom.

How do you create this?

Sometimes it can happen on accident, simply by spending time together. In order to create opportunities for that, make sure you spend regular time around the same people. Sometimes, though, it requires intentionality. You may have to plan what you are going to tell a person in advance. Sometimes, before I meet with someone who I have this kind of relationship with, I literally plan out what stories I’m going to tell about who I’ve been and what I’ve done. If I don’t plan it, it’s just as easy to allow the opportunity to slip by.

Don’t allow yourself to be in the habit of letting opportunities slip by.

Do you believe you deserve joy?

If you aren’t willing to make changes, do you really want to flourish? Do you expect to? Do you think you don’t deserve to? Are you afraid changes will have no impact, therefore you’d rather do nothing so as to avoid disappointment?

So often we do not take care of ourselves because don’t view ourselves as people who are worthy of being care for. Perhaps this is a message that has been sent to us time and again in relationships. Perhaps it’s merely a perception. Either way, why continue to perpetuate the myth? If there are things that you can do to improve your chances at joy and flourishing, then give them a try.

But what if they don’t work?

What does it mean for a thing like this (the pursuit of joy) to work? That’s an important question. What are our expectations? What outcomes do we anticipate?

Again, I can’t promise you any particular outcomes, necessarily. I can’t give you the easy path towards joy and flourishing. There isn’t one. The real question is, can we pursue what we know is good for us even if it isn’t a magical cure for all of our pain?

What makes joy possible?

What makes joy possible?

Let me be clear that I’m not totally sure, but I am spending a few days pointing out the practical things that we know help.

We’ve talked about gratitude a lot over the years at NSC, and in particular each time we meet for our weekend services. Certain studies suggest that gratitude habits can have a greater impact on a person than an anti-depressant (if you want to know more about that then send me an email).

We like to take medication, as a culture. Sometimes it’s absolutely necessary. Sometimes we can’t return to our body’s baseline without it. Sometimes, though, we want to take medication because we hope it’ll create change without demanding that we make any changes to how we’re living.

It’s worth considering in this conversation, then, what are you willing to do differently? If you’re struggling and can’t see a way out, are you willing to make any changes? If not, why not?

Give yourself a chance at joy

What are the kinds of things we need to be doing in life in order to give us the best possible chance at joy?

This is an important question. There are certain forms of living that take joy off the table. There are certain forms of living that create the possibility for joy and flourishing. Now, this doesn’t mean there is a guarantee. I can’t promise that if you do three easy steps that you’ll be filled with joy and meaning and purpose. I think, though, that there are certain things we can do to open the door and create opportunities.

I’m going to sound like a broken record on this first one, but we need to take care of our bodies physically. I struggle with this. I’m a horribly unhealthy eater (though I’m making changes). I don’t get enough sleep. I don’t eat breakfast. I don’t drink enough water. I break a lot of rules- don’t follow my example. But, regardless of my flaws, we know that each of these things goes a long way in establishing a mental health baseline. What does that mean? It means that we can’t see what level of thriving our body is capable of until we care for it properly through food, sleep, and physical activity. It’s important to know how our body adjusts to being properly cared for so that we know what additional measures are necessary to pursue wellness of whatever kind. For instance, if you haven’t established your baseline, then you don’t really know whether you need an anti-depressant. There are still plenty of doctors who will put you on one, though.

If you’ve never taken this part of life seriously, and you’re struggling, consider it. At the very least, you’ll learn what your baseline is and that will help guide your path forward.