Weekly Blog

Tips, Tricks, Skills, Spirituality and Wisdom

Teresa McBean 1/1/18 Teresa McBean 1/1/18

Spiritual Dis-ease

“I knew there was something about you that I liked.”

This sentence saved Sister Molly Monahan from an overwhelming shame attack early in her recovery from alcohol addiction. Sister Monahan, fresh out of rehab, was serving as a consultant and visiting a college campus in Virginia. One evening she slipped away from her duties to attend an AA meeting and discovered to her utter dismay that a law professor she had met earlier in the day was also in attendance. His warm acceptance eased her shame.

As I read her account in her lovely book “Seeds of Grace, A Nun’s Reflections on the Spirituality of Alcoholics Anonymous”, I got the sense that it didn’t immediately occur to her that both she and her new professional acquaintance were attending a meeting for the same reason: to stay sober. Years later she pens these words about her experiences in AA:

And there it is, the deeper truth – that we need to help others in order to be

helped ourselves, and not just with the disease of alcoholism. I can only

think that this reciprocity must be a God-given part of our nature, our true

nature, but obscured for us by the illusion of isolation and of independence and by a misguided selfishness. (Meetings: “My Name is Molly and I’m an Alcoholic”, Seeds of Grace)

Sister Monahan found in AA what so many others have – belonging and purpose. Her personal accounts of isolation in the midst of her affliction leave both herself and others wondering – how is it that a nun felt so spiritually and relationally disconnected? In her first essay, quoted in part above I believe she gets to the heart of the matter when she talks about what she heard in AA.

…I heard the truth of my own feelings, faults, and sneaky motivations played

back for me with uncommon honesty. And I began to know that I was not

alone, and that I was not unique. That is what the suggestion “Identify,

don’t compare,” often given at the beginning of meetings, means.

She hits on several key points that I want to develop in the coming days of devotional readings:

1. She heard truth.

2. She found a place to belong with full authenticity.

3. She discovered she was neither terminally unique or alone.

Teresa McBean 12/31/17 Teresa McBean 12/31/17

A Living Prayer

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A prayer for you on this day…

Lord, for the sins of this past year, we beg you for mercy. Here our cry. For the sins of others who have hurt us this year, we beg you for mercy on their behalf. Here our cry. Grant us your Spirit, to lead us into a heart of repentance and forgiveness.

For the times this year when we have forgotten who we are because of who you are, we ask your forgiveness. Here our cry.

And as we leave this year and begin afresh, we invite you to give us the rest you have promised, provide the abundance of life and vitality that you desire for us, and give us a willingness to do your will. Here our cry.

Deliver us. Amen

And for your listening….

Click here to listen to Deliver Us.

Teresa McBean 12/30/17 Teresa McBean 12/30/17

Ideals versus realities

It may be time to “let go and let God.”

Relationships are conditional. Love can be unconditional – especially if we are standing close to God and receiving his love as a gift that we can pass along to others. But relationships are conditional.

People teach us that their best still puts us at risk at times and we have to distance ourselves for the sake of our own recovery journey. Perhaps we come face-to-face with the cold, hard truth that our best has not been enough to create a healthy relationship with others. Maybe our own behaviors cost us relationships too.

As we prepare for the new year, can we acknowledge this? Maybe get some support to help us unearth what is ours to admit, acknowledge and repair? This is always a good place to start and finish a daily examen.

May we find the support we need to continue our journey! And may we be the support others need as they travel their respective roads to recovery too.

Teresa McBean 12/29/17 Teresa McBean 12/29/17

We are all doing the best we can

At NSC we try to bring a variety of voices to the table of reckoning. One voice that has been amazingly helpful is the work of Brene Brown – who is amazing. We could do far worse than reading every word she has written and watching all her Youtube videos like any decent rabid fan would do.

She’s the one that introduced the language that we are all doing the best we can. It helped that she fought against this concept tooth and nail herself in order to accept its premise and mostly true. We certainly resisted the concept.

But after wearing this slogan for a while, most of us agree with her. We are all doing the best we can – and sometimes it isn’t very good.

One of the things I like about this reminder is what it doesn’t say. It doesn’t say that someone’s best even when it is awful needs to be tolerated. If we’re in a relationship that includes someone’s “best” as being abusive, ugly and inappropriate OUR BEST might include having the courage to walk away from the relationship.

Her phrase fits nicely with another slogan: when we know better we do better.

Understanding that people are doing the best they can is an invitation to find our empathy and compassion NOT a directive to tolerate unacceptable relationship practices.

It also doesn’t suggest that the best we can do today is our highest achievement in “bestness.” Surely our pursuit of inspired vision and following God compels us to pay attention and learn new ways of being better more decent human beings.

How can we continue to remind ourselves of the “both/and” of compassion paired with the commitment to continual transformation?

Teresa McBean 12/28/17 Teresa McBean 12/28/17

Doing what is yours to do

Most people show up on the doorstep of NSC with serious issues. I am spoiled as a pastor in the midst of a community that usually gets the real deal and doesn’t major in the minor. There are exceptions, of course. I can go off the rails at any moment. J

There are things that I’ve learned from my peeps that have helped me in my growing up process. I’m reviewing the ones that have been most helpful to me as this year draws to a close.

Concern yourself with what is yours to do.

I have pastor friends who talk a lot about the petty infighting among their congregants. If this happens at our place, I am fortunate to be left out of the mix. Our respect for the 12-steps as an action plan give us some basic principles that most of us are working to execute.

A decent action plan can serve as a safety net for getting too far off the path. For example, someone was talking about how disappointed they were in response to some friend group shenanigans. They were pretty whipped up about the experience and reported feeling abandoned.

They were given a sympathetic, listening ear and then asked two questions:

1. Is it true that you were abandoned?

2. What part did you play in the debacle?

The first question is one we have practiced appreciating. Many folks in our community hear the first question and have a skill set attached to how to respond. It isn’t received as uncaring or condescending but as a wake-up call. We’ve figured out about triggers and speculation and even this thing called “chaining” and these concepts have helped us appreciate a good wake-up call without taking offense. I’m pretty sure this question is unhelpful in situations that don’t have the accompanying training for how to process it.

Second question is like breathing for us. When you read the 12-steps it is obvious that these steps teach us how to work on our side of the street and not get distracted by the view from someone else’s window of understanding. Again, I don’t think whipping out the steps and going it alone is healthy much less helpful. But as a community, our commitment to the process, however messy, is helpful.

I promise you – concerning ourselves with what is ours to do is the way to go.