Hope and the future

Yesterday I mentioned a friend who is extremely resilient and provided an example of how is resilience shows up for him and the rest of us. He is, I suspect, temperamentally well-suited for resilience. This is not to discredit his resiliency in any way, because resiliency isn’t a temperament trait, it is a skill set. But knowing this man, I think it is a skill set he took to like a duck to water.

However, I am NOT temperamentally suited for resilience. But by dingy I practice it. It is not natural, nor am I as skilled as my friend, but I personally believe that as faithful people, we are called to resilience.

Whether or not we are working on new resolutions in this fresh, new year, resilience is a crucial life skill. It is the difference between thriving and wasting away. Too often we believe our circumstances drive our thriving - that’s not true. It is resilience.

Notice that I particularly called on faithful people to practice resilience. I’m not talking pie-in-the-sky, God blesses me because he loves me, and every day with Jesus is sweeter than the day before thinking. That is not resilience. It’s a kind of spiritual languaging that some find comforting, and if you do - awesome. But I do not. It doesn’t fit the facts of my life. I believe that the facts and our faith align.

Does God bless his people? Yes. Do God’s people suffer? Yes. Resilient people can believe both those things at the same time without poking their eye out with a pencil, because resilient people do not NEED everything to go well for them in order to feel loved by God.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 NIV

Hope is a gift not a guarantee. Whether or not we fulfill our resolutions in 2019, our hope does not rest in getting what we want. My friends the Ryans wrote this on page 242 of “Rooted In God’s Love” - “We need to remind ourselves daily that we do not serve the god-of-relentless-cheerfulness, or the god-of-naivete, or the god-of-blind-optimism. We serve the God of Hope. God is hope-full and loves to share hope-full-ness with us. We can come to God with our fear, doubt and despair and God will give good gifts to us. When all other reasons for hope fail us, we can return to the God for Hope because God is greater than our disappointment, greater than our failure, greater than the problems and conflicts in our hearts and our homes and our communities and our world.”

Resilient people can teach us

Resilient people have shared characteristics - so say the experts in these matters. One of those shared capacities is confidence that no matter what is happening in the present, tomorrow will be different.

This morning I had an early meeting with a group of folks, one of whom had just received terrible news about his business. It COULD be potentially very bad for his bottom line. Here is what he did about it:

1. He showed up for his obligation even though we all would have understood if he bailed. But he didn’t bail. He showed up because this is what resilient people do. They show up.

2. He named the problem. He analyzed it. He questioned the issues and was curious about the findings. It was clear that he would look into this issue further. He will not just assume that the bad news is the truth.

3. He ended his conversation by saying, “Either way, we will figure it out.”

Resilient people have an innate sense that things will work out. They understand that bad news isn’t the only news, and that a bad day is one day. It doesn’t translate into a bad life or even a bad week.

Can you find that capacity in yourself? If not, how could you acquire that skill?

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31 NIV

Remembering

My friend Linda and I have been talking about Christmas memories today. She’s in a funk and so we were talking about some memories and how she feels about them. I gave her some different ways of thinking about the same events, and she is such a good sport that she readily agreed that there were several legitimate interpretations to some of her Christmas memories.

Remembering.

This is a wonderful skill set for all occasions, especially during the holidays.

I consider it a spiritual discipline.

I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.

Psalm 77:11-12 NIV

IF we are going to make changes, it will be helpful to remember. I have found more compassion and empathy for past resentments and griefs once I was able to remember.

What is remembering? It is the capacity, like Linda, to consider that the stories we tell ourselves may have different interpretations.

Have you noticed that when we tell a story from the past, particularly an emotional one, that over time our recitations of the story become rote? It’s like someone pushes our play button and we retell the story with the exact same words we have always used?

What stories do you need to remember? Who could you talk to and perhaps get a fresh interpretation of the same old story?

Growing up

The traits that we associate with success may not be helpful in achieving our New Year’s resolutions. In a world where we believe that resources are scarce, we compete to win the prize. Like food. Or firewood. Or a promotion. Evidently we live in a world that believes that resources are scarce. How else can we explain the rush of December 2018 when the Cheesecake Factory gave away a free piece of cheesecake to customers as a way of celebrating their anniversary? There were traffic jams and fights and even arrests for disorderly conduct. For cheesecake. I’m obsessed with this story. I’m confused by it and disappointed that this is what we are willing to go to any lengths to acquire - a free piece of cheesecake.

There is another way of living. We choose to stop looking for the world to reward us. Instead, we turn around and notice those around us who need a reward and we give them one. This requires attentiveness and a commitment to believe that the world is an abundant place, with plenty to go around if we all share. No matter our status or job title, we can be people who offer rewards. Today I was grabbing a coffee and the baker slipped me a tiny piece of her peppermint bar dessert to taste. No charge. Delicious. She was rewarding me. I paid it forward. When I ordered my coffee, I also paid for the person behind me. I rewarded him.

After grabbing my coffee, eating that yummy treat and paying it forward, I hopped in my car and drove off. Because I was so filled with the joy of giving and receiving, I stopped to let a guy walking his two dogs cross the street. I could have just blown by. I had to wait for him to arrive at the crosswalk, but I didn’t want to do that. I wanted him to know that I saw him and that he mattered and I would wait for him on this bitterly cold day so that he did not need to slow his pace for me to drive by. One kind pepperminty act inspired more acts of kindness.

My son just graduated college. We rewarded him. He tells us that our generosity and support during his college adventure is reward enough and not to get him a gift. He is rewarding us with such kind words. We will reward him even if he tells us not to because his accomplishment is worth rewarding. I imagine he will pay that forward.

What if we all believed that there was enough, and that we have more than enough to share? Maybe we cannot always share in a way that is monetary, but kindness is priceless and noticing someone’s presence is like winning the lottery. We all have the capacity to reward.

Having the attentiveness to notice and the willingness to reward others on a regular basis is an indicator that whatever our resolutions are, we are more likely to achieve them. This is an essential way of living life satisfied and joy-filled.

In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. Isaiah 30:15 NIV

Over-working does not equal commitment

Our worth is totally unrelated to our productivity. This is a well-kept secret. There is plenty of research out in the world that teaches us that workaholics are less productive and creative than their counterparts - people who have boundaries. In spite of the fact that we know that lack of sleep impacts our physical health, increases the likelihood of accidents, etc., it is still considered a bit of a status symbol to complain about how busy we are.

Our temptation when setting goals and desiring change is to work harder. But oftentimes we are doing the wrong work!! What we need is time to play!

Need more creativity to solve serious problems at work? Go play.

Desire more joy in your life? Go outside and play.

Wish you had better interpersonal skills and more healthy relationships? Go play.

It turns out that playtime does all sorts of amazing things to the brain. It also helps it calm down and recover after periods of stress. Dr. Stuart Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play has been quoted as saying, “The opposite of play is not work - the opposite of play is depression.”

If you are resolved to change something, make sure you book in playtime. Whatever your goal, taking breaks by playing will help you achieve them.