Seek Out a Fresh Perspective

During my years of viewing food as my enemy, I knew something was not quite right with me. I did some research. This was over forty years ago. No one seemed to know much about anorexia except that it killed this amazing singer named Karen Carpenter. But people were more than willing to present their theories of what was wrong with me.

“She is exerting control in the only way she can.” The implied blame here is that my parents somehow caused me to do this by being over-controlling. Ha. This was NEVER the issue in my house.

“She is vain; she wants to be the next Twiggy.” This was sarcasm. No way was weight the ONLY issue that kept me off the cover of Vogue.

“She is insecure and is trying to fit in.” I was insecure. But none of my friends were living off of twigs and coffee. Why was this my coping strategy?

In the end, I batted away all their theories with a barely lifted hand. My eating disorder baffled me and no amount of theorizing made me well. Today, researchers have tools that allow them to study our brains in amazing detail, with the added bonus that their subjects are still alive. They can watch the brain function, tracking damage and repair in real time. Researchers have learned, for example, that excessive use of alcohol shrinks the brain. This shriveling effect literally leaves the person with less brain to work with than a brain that is not pickled by alcohol. It matters where the brain shrinks too. Addiction is particularly rough on the cortex, the outer layer of the brain. The frontal lobe plays key roles in memory, judgment, impulse control, problem solving and other intellectual skills. It also serves as a regulator for both social and sexual behavior. Can you imagine how challenging it is to make decent recovery decisions with a compromised frontal lobe? I am not sure about all the technical effects of starving one’s brain - but clearly it was not making me smarter, faster, or wiser. The longer I used, the harder it was to THINK. But I did not know that and if I had, I would have not known how to stop the chatter! I believed I was in control; I thought I was making choices; I did not realize that it was the disease doing all the talking.

Getting help usually involves finding a fresh perspective. Who can help you?

Listening to Experience

Years ago Dale Ryan recorded the voices of some recovering folks; those interviews are available in their totality at www.nacr.org. You should check them out! But I particularly loved this quote...

I really feel like I left no stone unturned in looking for something that would fix me...I could run down a laundry list of things that didn’t...Despite my most sincere desire to never repeat that experience and use that [experience] as a springboard to change my life and make something good come of it, I still used...What other human power is there? So if no human power will save me and I see something working in the lives of other people...just like me...can I afford not to try it? That’s the question I needed to ask myself.

By the Book

If your life is rocking along without crisis or drama, cool. But if it isn’t, perhaps the wisdom of others can provide you much needed support. Maybe you need to look outside yourself for the support you need today. Who can you reach out to that has what you need? Reach out!!

Source of the quote: https://www.nacr.org/center-for-12-step-recovery/by-the-book-doing-the-twelve-steps/by-the-book-step-2 at 12:50 - 14:20.

Getting Our Affairs in Order

A few months ago I received word that some blood work I had drawn during a routine physical came back with some “anomalies.” Further tests were conducted and I waited to hear more news. The news could be good - no problems detected. It could be annoying - we need to run more tests. It could be manageable - here is what we found and this is how we fix it. It could be bad - you have an un-treatable condition, get your affairs in order. These were my options. It turns out it was all good news and there is no reason that the blood work would indicate that Pete should go shopping for a replacement wife.

This was not my first rodeo with a “get your affairs in order” speech. When my eating disorder was at its worst and my heart began to have issues I did not get my affairs in order despite dire warnings from my cardiologist; I continued to compulsively starve myself for months. I can say from personal experience that when I was at the “get your affairs in order” stage of sickness, the nature of my sickness meant that I was poorly equipped to follow advice and heed warnings.

Eventually, reluctantly, I began the healing process but it was messy and slow and relapse-prone. Eventually, my metaphorical blood work began to improve. The level of insanity was down; not normal, but down. I heard others speak about their own experiences and I opened up to the possibility that I did indeed have a condition I would manage for the rest of my life. I was reasonably confident that I could not handle it on my own. I was absolutely certain that my best efforts were not enough to save me.

I had a decision to make. It needed to be a different decision than all the other times I had made promises to myself and others and made commitments I was incapable of keeping. What was I going to do this time that I had never done before? Have you ever been at the end of your rope? How did you climb out of the pit? Are you there today? Who could you ask to help you start the long road back to wellness?

The Benefits of Being an Outsider

One of my favorite people in the whole wide world is in a free fall. After years of sobriety, he has relapsed. I feel so very, very sad. Until I think about his faith. This guy believes that God loves him and he is deeply spiritual. He understands that God loves “the sorry people”. He’s in bad shape AND God is in the business of restoring broken people. No problemo. The cynics among us might scoff at this. In fact, just the other day another person I know said this: “Well, he couldn’t have loved Jesus as much as he said he did if he has gone off and gotten back on the sauce.” Big, big sigh.

Can we talk about this? If loving Jesus served as a spiritual vaccine against doing stuff that goes against our core values, then we would NOT have so many church folk doing hood rat stuff - like having affairs, watching porn (at work, even at work being a pastor), abusing others, stealing from the petty cash drawer, getting divorced, etc. I’m not judging the sin here - but I am just pointing out reality. Loving Jesus doesn’t stop us from messing up. So why in the name of all things holy do we think it provides an insurance policy against relapse?

But...just because Jesus is not the equivalent of a vaccine against going against our own values does NOT mean our faith is of no value. It just shows up in a different form.

Right now my friend is on the street buying drugs from folks he once tried to help get sober. He is a serious outsider, isolated from his tribe of recovery warriors. But drug dealers will sell to anyone. People are talking. They are saying that the guy who used to help them is now in need of help himself. Can you imagine how nervous they feel? Their leader now needs a good shepherd to guide him back home. Everyone is just sick over the situation. I just want him to come back home. No judgment here, brother, Just. Come. Home.

Jesus, overhearing, shot back, “Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? Go figure out what this Scripture means: ‘I’m after mercy, not religion.’ I’m here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders.”

Matthew 9:12-13 The Message

Meditation Moment

Then Jesus turned to the Jews who had claimed to believe in him. “If you stick with this, living out what I tell you, you are my disciples for sure. Then you will experience for yourselves the truth, and the truth will free you.”

~ John 8:32 The Message

Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? Take this step for you. You are worth it. Find some quiet time to sit and breathe. Imagine what it would be like for you to stick with your faithful pilgrimage. Dare to dream of what it would be like to be a spiritual being in an earth suit. What would your day and evening look like? Just imagine. No pressure.