Habits can fool us

“Addicts must learn to handle cravings, attend 12-Step meetings regularly, and otherwise revamp their thinking, behavior, and lifestyle...Addiction is not an ‘acute’ (short-term) illness with a short-term solution. Like diabetes, asthma, and other chronic diseases, addiction can be controlled but never eliminated.”[1]

“I kept looking back at the other option and there was no other option.”

By the Book [2]

Maybe you think you are off the hook because you are not dependent on alcohol or drugs. Are you dependent on anyone or anything else that has its hooks in you? Habitual compulsions can have the same effect on us. They can trick us into thinking they are the solution even as they keep causing us lots of problems.

Spending more money than we have may be fun when we are buying a cute pair of shoes, but does it cause conflict in your home? Do you have debt-collectors knocking on your door? This is not a way to live!

Caring more about your sport’s team than your friends who root for other teams isn’t cool.

Distracting ourselves with binge watching, binge eating, binge exercising, binge anything may numb us temporarily from our cares and worries, but all those anxieties are just sitting on the foot of our bed waiting for us to wake up.

Eventually, we need to figure out how to not only deal with our problems, but live well in spite of them. The solutions that work for Substance Abuse often hold the key to our own peace of mind!

1. Harold C. Urshel, III MD, (Healing the Addicted Brain, Sourcebooks Inc., 2009), pp. 23-25.

2. https://www.nacr.org/center-for-12-step-recovery/by-the-book-doing-the-twelve-steps/by-the-book-step-2 at 2:12.

Meditation Moment

Here is a brief prayer to start your day. Breathe through it and meditate for a few minutes on the meaning it has for you today.

The seed of God is in us.

Now

the seed of a pear tree

grows into a pear tree

and a hazel seed

grows into a hazel tree;

the seed of God is in us -

a seed of God

grows into God.

~ Meister Eckhart

Realizing that this poem is NOT saying that we become God, embrace the reality that we bear his image. You bear his image. You love like your daddy; you look like your daddy; you serve like your daddy; you think and feel and care like your daddy. Your Heavenly Father shows you who you are meant to become.

None of us is all that moral

“Am I willing to believe that there is something out there that is bigger than me? I wasn’t 100% sure until I started really [coming to] terms with my insanity.”

By the Book

For people unfamiliar with the recovery world, declaring ourselves “insane” sounds, well, kind of crazy. Who says that about themselves? But often it is true. Maybe it is not the kind of mental crisis that results in treatment, but I believe insanity is on a spectrum. Just because no one is locking you up, does not mean you are A-OK!

In the recovery world, we talk about insanity like this: doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. Can you relate?

I have a friend who is struggling in her marriage. She keeps going to marriage retreats with her spouse but nothing is changing. I suggested they consider adding other resources to support their marital mending. Her pastor told her good Christians do NOT go to counseling.

I pointed out that I did not know that many good Christians. I hang out with the ones who struggle. They mess up. Like me. And I could see no downside to adding a voice into the mix of marital mayhem. What could it hurt? She thinks that it would hurt her reputation at church. And, get this - people might think they are having issues!!!!! THEY ARE HAVING ISSUES AND EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS IT!! So this brings me to a question that seems to always apply: in your journey, what holds you back from getting the support you need? Does your reluctance make sense - or might it be your disease talking? Or your pride? Or your fear of change?

Source for the quote is found here: https://www.nacr.org/center-for-12-step-recovery/by-the-book-doing-the-twelve-steps/by-the-book-step-2 at 1:38.

Seek Out a Fresh Perspective

During my years of viewing food as my enemy, I knew something was not quite right with me. I did some research. This was over forty years ago. No one seemed to know much about anorexia except that it killed this amazing singer named Karen Carpenter. But people were more than willing to present their theories of what was wrong with me.

“She is exerting control in the only way she can.” The implied blame here is that my parents somehow caused me to do this by being over-controlling. Ha. This was NEVER the issue in my house.

“She is vain; she wants to be the next Twiggy.” This was sarcasm. No way was weight the ONLY issue that kept me off the cover of Vogue.

“She is insecure and is trying to fit in.” I was insecure. But none of my friends were living off of twigs and coffee. Why was this my coping strategy?

In the end, I batted away all their theories with a barely lifted hand. My eating disorder baffled me and no amount of theorizing made me well. Today, researchers have tools that allow them to study our brains in amazing detail, with the added bonus that their subjects are still alive. They can watch the brain function, tracking damage and repair in real time. Researchers have learned, for example, that excessive use of alcohol shrinks the brain. This shriveling effect literally leaves the person with less brain to work with than a brain that is not pickled by alcohol. It matters where the brain shrinks too. Addiction is particularly rough on the cortex, the outer layer of the brain. The frontal lobe plays key roles in memory, judgment, impulse control, problem solving and other intellectual skills. It also serves as a regulator for both social and sexual behavior. Can you imagine how challenging it is to make decent recovery decisions with a compromised frontal lobe? I am not sure about all the technical effects of starving one’s brain - but clearly it was not making me smarter, faster, or wiser. The longer I used, the harder it was to THINK. But I did not know that and if I had, I would have not known how to stop the chatter! I believed I was in control; I thought I was making choices; I did not realize that it was the disease doing all the talking.

Getting help usually involves finding a fresh perspective. Who can help you?

Listening to Experience

Years ago Dale Ryan recorded the voices of some recovering folks; those interviews are available in their totality at www.nacr.org. You should check them out! But I particularly loved this quote...

I really feel like I left no stone unturned in looking for something that would fix me...I could run down a laundry list of things that didn’t...Despite my most sincere desire to never repeat that experience and use that [experience] as a springboard to change my life and make something good come of it, I still used...What other human power is there? So if no human power will save me and I see something working in the lives of other people...just like me...can I afford not to try it? That’s the question I needed to ask myself.

By the Book

If your life is rocking along without crisis or drama, cool. But if it isn’t, perhaps the wisdom of others can provide you much needed support. Maybe you need to look outside yourself for the support you need today. Who can you reach out to that has what you need? Reach out!!

Source of the quote: https://www.nacr.org/center-for-12-step-recovery/by-the-book-doing-the-twelve-steps/by-the-book-step-2 at 12:50 - 14:20.