Fear of others distracts us from our call

3 The legal experts and Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery. Placing her in the center of the group, 4 they said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of committing adultery. 5 In the Law, Moses commanded us to stone women like this. What do you say?” 6 They said this to test him, because they wanted a reason to bring an accusation against him. Jesus bent down and wrote on the ground with his finger.

7 They continued to question him, so he stood up and replied, “Whoever hasn’t sinned should throw the first stone.” 8 Bending down again, he wrote on the ground. 9 Those who heard him went away, one by one, beginning with the elders. Finally, only Jesus and the woman were left in the middle of the crowd.

~ John 8:3-9, CEB

In community, open-mindedness is a necessity, particularly when it comes to our short-comings. Having an open mind doesn’t mean you change it whenever someone speaks up. It means you actually respect people enough to take what they’re saying seriously. It means asking the question, “What if this person is right?” when they share an opinion different from yours. This is an act of love and, if we’re in community with someone, it is an absolute necessity.

Refusing to do this is a form of violence. It causes harm. Refusing to consider or respect another person’s views is to admit that this person is not as important as you are. Again, this doesn’t mean you have to adopt another person’s views as your own. It doesn’t mean that your views are less important than everyone else’s. It means that you actually stop to consider another person’s thoughts because you value life and recognize that each person is made in the image of God. Therefore, each person is worth hearing and respecting.

The Pharisees, here, were not interested in this kind of relationship. They did not see this woman as a person worth valuing and listening to. Instead, they saw a person they could use. In a way, they saw someone they were afraid of. Their fear told them that letting this woman continue her life as it is was going to bring everything down.

So often we have these kinds of fears of others. They are ultimately distractions from our call: to live in deep, meaningful, loving relationships with one another where we can share freely even the things about ourselves that we’re ashamed of. In order to do so, we must remove fear from the conversation.

Sometimes we all miss the point

45 Right then, Jesus made his disciples get into a boat and go ahead to the other side of the lake, toward Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. 46 After saying good-bye to them, Jesus went up onto a mountain to pray. 47 Evening came and the boat was in the middle of the lake, but he was alone on the land. 48 He saw his disciples struggling. They were trying to row forward, but the wind was blowing against them. Very early in the morning, he came to them, walking on the lake. He intended to pass by them. 49 When they saw him walking on the lake, they thought he was a ghost and they screamed.50 Seeing him was terrifying to all of them. Just then he spoke to them, “Be encouraged! It’s me. Don’t be afraid.” 51 He got into the boat, and the wind settled down. His disciples were so baffled they were beside themselves. 52 That’s because they hadn’t understood about the loaves. Their hearts had been changed so that they resisted God’s ways.

~ Mark 6:45-52, CEB

The disciples and their hard-heartedness show something about people that has always been true. We struggle to understand the significance and meaning of God. It almost seems like we’re conditioned to misunderstand. We see God through a haze. We can maybe make out God’s silhouette, but we can’t see him clearly, as he actually is. The disciples struggled to recognize God at work in the form of Jesus. Despite the signs and miracles, they couldn’t make the connection.

As we said yesterday, it’s hard to make this connection, and it’s often hard because we’re in pain and pain clouds our vision. Our goal is not necessarily to get clearer vision but to open ourselves up to the healing that is possible when we plant ourselves in a community that shows us God’s love and acceptance. If we do that, then we are not letting out fear define us.

Israel, too, struggled to make the connection between God’s works and God himself. And, in the process, kept forgetting God and going off to get themselves in trouble. It’s something God’s people have done since Cain tried to hide from God after killing his brother. That’s a pretty long time.

It makes me ask myself, what are the ways in which I am missing the point. Where am I looking for God and not seeing him? How do I avoid missing him?

I’m not sure there’s good answers for those questions, but I’m going to dedicate my life to actively look for him and surround myself with good people who will help me make sure that, when I do miss the point, it won’t be for long.

Transformation requires hard work

I took my two year old grandson to Target and accidentally bought him a tow truck. Wrapped heavily in all the cardboard and wiring that keep such things in place, my grandson was quite eager to get through the checkout line and on with the unveiling.

Clearly, this was not his first rodeo. He immediately asked the sales clerk, “Do you have scissors?” Alas, she did not.

I said, “Hey, we will be home soon and Meme will get out her scissors and we will free your tow truck!”

He looked up, he cocked his head, he replied, “Ok Meme.” Then he added, “We can do hard things! Good job Meme!” And then he clapped.

I do not know what seemed hard about this situation to him. Was it the difficulty of ripping into the box to retrieve the truck? Was it hearing “no” from the sales clerk? Was it having to wait until we drove home and arrived at Meme’s house to play? I do not know.

But what I do understand is that in the moment when something seemed hard, my grandson thought: We can do hard things. And he is correct. Together, we can do hard things. He celebrated with clapping and a big grin. My granddaughter, who is even younger, does the same thing. She claps when she stands up unaided. She claps when she grabs a piece of food and manages to get it in her tiny mouth. These kids know how to celebrate small next right steps - and I trust we are learning how to as well!

Working the Twelve Steps may feel all about us when we are crafting our responses to all these lists and noting all our shortcomings but it takes a support team to help us complete the work. I celebrate each and every one of you who even consider this practice! We can do hard things! (I am clapping for you!!)

I pray for you the satisfaction that my grandchildren possess when they complete a task. I pray for you the willingness to celebrate your accomplishment and even your considering change!

Whew! These are all the blogs on the fourth step….for now. Tune in tomorrow for a new topic.

Consequences teach us about ourselves

When we ask God what we should do, the right answers will come if we want them... if I’m willing to grow, if I’m willing to invite God into this area of my life.” Anonymous

Consequences. Sometimes only God can help me deal with those. If you want to explore this part of your life, make a list of the consequences that have come about because of your shortcomings and harmful patterns of behavior. Take stock of how your actions have caused people to react in certain ways. If you continue to work the steps, there is a process that allows you to address how you repair and restore these broken things from your past. I hope it encourages you a bit to know that all the heavy lifting in the restoration department will be God’s. We will follow his lead.

A sampling of common consequences that we have often found on fourth steps: loss of self-worth, virginity, values, boundaries, trust, self-control, self-respect, credit, property, respect of others, intimacy, jobs, marriage, children, spiritual connection with God. Other issues include: guilt, shame, humiliation, rejection, isolation, loneliness, repressed emotions, self-hatred, stress, health issues, financial problems, etc.

Any ring your chimes?

Are you ready to make life changes?

If you’ve been creating an inventory, then you are keenly aware of the lists that we have made. We have asked ourselves the questions in one form or another about the effect these resentments, fears, sexual history, financial security, emotional and even social issues have had on our lives.

When I did my first Fourth Step, many of my responses were focused on blaming others or justifying my reactions. I felt in many instances like a victim. Although these responses were common enough, they were not going to get me where I needed to go on this road to recovery.

How about you? Are you ready to put aside the habitual ways you have been thinking and feeling? Are you ready to DO something different?