Put in the time and enjoy the results

Recovery is a lot like working out.  It builds muscles that are relational, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.  My gym mentor likes to remind me of a training principle she calls - “What the heck?”.  I’ve never been able to do a pull-up my entire life.  Last week I managed one.  What the heck?  I had not been practicing pull-ups because I did not believe it was possible for me to ever succeed at doing one.  However, I have been faithfully doing the exercises my mentor prescribed for me to do several times a week.  These are not marathon workouts.  I’m talking twenty minutes a session, three sessions a week.  I don’t break out in excessive sweat or groan and moan like a cow in labor as I practice.  The routines are challenging but not intimidating.

Evidently, they are also effective.  When she asked me to hop up on a stool and grab a bar above my head, I thought she was going to let me hang there and decompress my back.  Instead, she challenged me to try a pull-up.  What. The. Heck.  I could do one!

Spirituality is an awful lot like going to the gym, putting in the time, and one day - “What the heck?” - happens.  You change.  Maybe at first this change is minimal, even discouraging.  But if you continue doing your part, over time willingness increases and so does capacity to live differently.

I did not lie to my husband about my rug purchase.  I also did not purchase a rug that exceeded our budget.  We had no conflict and I had no need for shame or guilt.  I didn’t even register the story as a big deal until I was working on the blog posts.  Suddenly I thought, “What the heck?”  The old me would have lied; the not quite as long ago me would have not lied but it would have been a struggle to do the next right thing.  What the heck?  When did honesty become my go-to practice?  I could not tell you.  It’s mysterious.  It’s a God thing. 

It took a long time.  There were many backslides and face plants along the way.  But at some point my readiness invited God to change me.  And he did.  No need to throw a parade or anything.  There is PLENTY more work to be done.  But progress is progress and I am thankful for it.  What progress have you made as you have committed to your journey?  Where is your “What the heck?”

The patience to live with shortcomings

Perhaps more challenging than acknowledging our own limitations (after all we have plenty of experience in that department) is making sense of this notion that God can remove our shortcomings.  We struggle to understand who God is and how he works in our lives.

Father Joe Martin entered treatment for alcoholism in 1958.  His recovery experience gave him the unique capacity to help ease the suffering of those affected by substance use disorder.  Once Father Martin talked to Terence T. Gorski, author of Understanding the Twelve Steps, about God’s role in the Sixth Step.  Father Martin said, “God gives us the courage, the strength, and the means whereby to correct our character defects.  But we’ve got to do the correcting,”[1]

We ask for guidance, inspiration, courage and strength.  We trust God is listening.  We wake up each morning mindful that we have asked God to remove our defects AND we go about living as if he has done so.  Suppose my husband asks me how much I paid for the new rug he discovers in our entrance foyer.  We have a housing budget and we are on the verge of going over budget.  If I tell him the rug cost $50.00, then all is well.  The budget can absorb it.  But what if the rug cost $150.00?  I am going to be $75.00 over budget.  This is going to raise more questions about my commitment to our shared budget goals.  I don’t want the hassle.  There is a good chance I can get away with telling him $50.00 because he would not know the difference. 

But I would know that I was lying.  Lying is a shortcoming that I have given God the green light to remove.  I can tell the truth and this gives me the encouragement of knowing that God is at work and I am working at believing God.  If I lie, I realize that this particular defect is alive and well and I have to go back to the drawing board and figure out what’s up with my lying.  This will initiate the amends process.  Either way, I am not without hope.  I have a plan for dealing with my shortcomings even as I have hope that God is removing them.

I still have work to do.  I prepare each day to live as if all my shortcomings are removed by practicing living without them.  I have other steps to practice at the end of the day when I review my day and discover that God is not done with me yet. 

[1] Understanding the Twelve Steps:  An Interpretation and Guide for Recovering People, by Terence T. Gorski, Simon & Schuster, 1989, p. 107.

God cleans up our...ehem...messes

I am amazed that I ever wondered what God wanted from me.  Today, in my dotage, I seem to find more and more encouragement in his word.  The other day one of my grandchildren needed a diaper change but did not want to stop playing long enough to cooperate.  They were willing to run around with poop sticking to their hind parts; I was not.  Eventually we got the diaper changed, but I couldn’t help but smile inwardly, realizing how often I too had run from rather than ask him to help me clean up my mess.

“‘For here’s what I’m going to do: I’ll pour pure water over you and scrub you clean. I’ll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I’ll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that’s God-willed, not self-willed. I’ll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands. You’ll be my people! I’ll be your God!”

~ Ezekiel 36:24-28, The Message (some phrases removed for brevity)

Removal of shortcomings is God's work

I believe that only God can remove our shortcomings and heal our enduring vulnerabilities.  If we wrestle a bit with the truth of our desire to control, succeed and be right, we may find willingness to surrender our defects once we see how hurtful they are to us and others.

But even our most sincere willingness will not be enough to trust God with our transformation if we have concerns about God’s intentions toward us.  In my own recovery, this was a huge stumbling block.  My exposure to God’s people filled me with some false impressions about God; my understanding of him needed to grow before I could let go of anything that seemed to help me cope with my life.

I had often wondered if God wanted his people to sacrifice and suffer without regard to their own well-being.  It seemed a likely possibility when missionaries came to our church and told their stories of sacrifice.  Although they often glowed with the zeal of true converts I often wondered: is this for real? I especially remember a favorite hymn that often accompanied these testimonials, “Every Day with Jesus is Sweeter than the Day Before”. (The lyrics, in case you are interested:  Every day with Jesus is sweeter than the day before, Every day with Jesus, I love Him more and more. Jesus saves and keeps me, And He's the one I'm waiting for, Every day with Jesus Is sweeter than the day before.[1])   I could not understand God from this framework of seeing, especially in early recovery when I was being encouraged to feel my feelings, get more honest and do all of this without my favorite numbing agent.

Other times I wondered if God was more like Santa, running his heavenly operation via a series of quid pro quo’s.  I follow the rules; he gives me goodies.  I disobey the rules; he sends a small plague to whip me in shape.

Who can trust a god like this with our defects of character? 

Fortunately, I learned that I did not have to trust a God that demanded sacrifice, perkiness and shady backroom deals. 

---

[1] https://www.hymnlyrics.org/newlyrics_e/every_day_with_jesus.php

A Meditation Moment

Despite rumors about God’s absence, judgment, or cruelty, this is what scripture actually says about God:

I’ve been carrying you on my back

    from the day you were born,

And I’ll keep on carrying you when you’re old.

    I’ll be there, bearing you when you’re old and gray.

I’ve done it and will keep on doing it,

    carrying you on my back, saving you.

~ Isaiah 46:3-4, The Message

Take a few moments to read and absorb God’s constant care for you.