Meditation Moment

In a time of drastic change one can be too preoccupied with what is ending or too obsessed with what seems to be beginning. In either case one loses touch with the present and with its obscure but dynamic possibilities. What really matters is openness, readiness, attention, and courage to face risk.

Thomas Merton, Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander

What is your current preoccupation?

What is your current obsession?

Ask God to show you what is real and true and a present moment reality, and give thanks for the obscure but dynamic possibilities for your future.

Appropriate Interruptions

The tenth step helps us monitor ourselves which helps us interrupt any behaviors, recurring thoughts, ruminations, big feelings or chaos that might disrupt our recovery. The elements suggested for an effective tenth step include:

1. A daily inventory format that is manageable, habitual and effective for reviewing our strengths and weaknesses. Some people recommended doing this twice a day - first thing in the morning and last thing at night. If you can only do one, then I recommend a nightly inventory just so you catch anything that you might be tempted to ignore from the day’s events.

2. This daily habit helps us recognize (eventually) in real time our strengths and weaknesses. Of course, there are times when I may recognize that I am about to behave in a way that is not healthy but I seem unable to stop myself. This is a program of progress, not perfection. It is REAL progress to become more self-aware!

3. A daily inventory develops the habits necessary to enforce the key principles of a recovery program. Done thoroughly, it keeps us honest. It helps us notice when we are accepting responsibility for our life and when we fall short. We also spot those times when we need to adjust our treatment of others. Respecting others in all their affairs is an important tenet of a decent recovery program. It also helps us pay attention to our service work.

4. A written daily inventory provides us with a history of our work to build on our strengths and attend to our weaknesses.

There are many formats for completing a tenth step. I hope you will be inspired during this season of self-quarantine to experiment and find one that works for you. Or, as my youngest suggested, start watching Survivor. I personally am a big fan of Step 10.

The Connection Between Doing and Feeling

When I do good, I feel good, when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion.

Abraham Lincoln

Lincoln is saying that he has a sensitive internal compass. He recognized at some point in his life that his behavior could affect his feelings. Often we are driven to act based on how we feel.

The beauty of a daily examen is that we get to check it all out - our thoughts from the day, our feelings, and our actions. Over time, we begin to make connections.

Early on in my recovery I began to notice that certain foods made me feel better than others. This was a big change from the obsession of believing that eating was for sissies.

I learned that a steady blood sugar allowed me to stand up for sustained periods of time without toppling over. This was no small insight for a person struggling with an eating “ism”.

I discovered the joy of learning to notice hunger without judging it as the enemy.

All this seems so obvious to those who have never struggled with self-starving.

Over the years I have heard so many and varied stories of how we lose touch with our legitimate needs. Sometimes getting back in touch with them, and learning how to address them in a healthy way, is as simple as getting in touch with our thoughts, feelings, and actions while paying attention to how they can interplay with one another.

Again With the Inventory...

In Step Ten, we develop a habit of taking a regular inventory of our lives - daily. This is not a new idea. 400 years ago, give or take, St. Ignatius Loyola proffered a similar suggestion for a daily prayer practice that has become known as The Daily Examen. We use this prayer at the end of the day to review our day, find God’s gifts and reasons for gratitude, notice our emotions, and choose one aspect of our day to pray over. This is one way to complete a daily tenth step practice.

I often go to the drive through of my local Starbucks and grab an afternoon latte. Yum. Each day, I ask the server to “not give me one of those little plastic green stopper thingys” as I am trying to do my part to keep plastic from overwhelming the world. Every single time - I receive the unwanted stopper! My sweet and kind baristas are unconsciously in the habit of providing those stoppers and no matter how many times I ask, I still get one. At first, I was irritated by my thwarted attempts at being kinder to the universe. How hard can this be?!?

Early on I noticed in my daily examen how irritated and frustrated I became every time my “request” for no green stopper was ignored. (Part of paying attention to our emotions the Ignatia Prayer way is to ask God to show us some ways that our feelings are teaching us that we are falling short of our intentions.) I noticed my pattern of irritation and I did not like what I saw. What profit is it to save on using little green stopper thingys a couple times a week if I do it with a scowl on my face? The Daily Examen gave me the gift of a renewed perspective. Much like I practice my backhand so that I can play better tennis, practicing gratitude over this small, insignificant matter may build gratitude muscles that I need for bigger issues.

Today, as a result of my Examen, I find joy in the moment. It’s become a game of sorts, albeit a secret, solitary one. I have chosen to ask for something I never receive and find gratitude in the exchange. This is NOT me. Or at least, this is not me on my own, living independently of God. The issues I wrestled with in Step Four were so very painful; honestly, my issues have not changed drastically. What has changed is how I handle them; the speed with which I process them; the joy I feel in taking one small next right step without requiring an “ism” to get out of bed.

An Introduction to Step 10

It is difficult to be a saint in the midst of one’s family.

Anatole France

I once worked on a team one time with a leader who was in long term recovery. He often popped his head into my office to make amends or ask, “Are we good?” I was young and foolish and pre-recovery so I chalked it up to being a touchy-feely kind of guy who was a tiny bit too sensitive.

Years later, with fresh eyes and a completely different perspective, I happened to run into him at a conference. Our career paths had diverged years ago but I had never gotten past my curiosity about his profound and rare commitment to keeping his side of the street squeaky clean. After the usual chit chat that comes with catching up on a decade of history, I asked, “Hey, I’m working a recovery program and it has given me a different way of seeing our previous working relationship. I’m curious. Did you make amends and check-ins part of your work life because you were in recovery or was that just your leadership style?”

He laughed and replied. “Definitely NOT my style. It was all about Step Ten. I never wanted to find myself in a position of having to ‘catch up’ with my inventory, sharing and amends making like I did with my first round of 12-step work!”

“So,” I inquired, “Is it the same today in your work environment?” Without hesitation he called over one of his colleagues, introduced us and said, “Hey, Jimmy, Teresa wants to know if I interrupt your work to make amends or ask, ‘Are we good?’ ”

Jimmy chuckled. “All the damn time. The guy is constantly checking in. I finally told him to bug off and that’s when he told me that this was part of his program. So I put up with it for his sake.” He winked and walked off. Clearly Jimmy was crazy about this boss with the program that regularly encouraged humility ESPECIALLY when you are the boss. Later in the evening, Jimmy and I compared notes. The boss makes amends about remarkably similar things with Jimmy as he did with me. He isn’t great with details and so his team needs to pay extra close attention. Sometimes important details slip through the cracks. He’s still a big dreamer but responds well to follow up questions and even the occasional reality check. In other words, the guy is only human but he makes it easy on his team by admitting to his foibles and caring about how his behavior affects others.

The beauty of Step Ten is that when we work it, life is more peaceful - for ourselves and those who love us. Does it require diligence? Yes. Is it sometimes uncomfortable? Sure. But it is helpful too. It cuts down on misunderstandings, resentments and all manner of problems that relationships endure whether or not we talk about them and take responsibility for our part in causing them!