Embracing God-Light

This is the perfect time to remember why God’s word can serve as a light to our dark path.

“This is the crisis we’re in: God-light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness. They went for the darkness because they were not really interested in pleasing God. Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion, hates God-light and won’t come near it, fearing a painful exposure. But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is.”

John 3:19-21 The Message

So often we miss-identify our crises. As dangerous and confounding as the Corona Virus has been, the bigger threat is choosing darkness over pleasing God. It is tempting to equate light with knowing stuff, certainty, orderliness, and conviction. That has not been my experience.

For me, light and God-work go hand-in-hand. Not certainty.

This is good news because it means that a pandemic and political unrest do not constitute darkness. They are simply two more opportunities for God-light. How might this God-light look? It depends. But in order for it to be light, it has to include humility, curiosity, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control. And more.

God-light is exposure - not of others, but of ourselves. God-light asks us to see ourselves as we are, not as we wish we were. Without shame or judgment. Now THAT is work. But it is the path we are called to.

For today, instead of thinking about someone else’s evil - ask yourself: how am I evil? Instead of shaking your head at your perception of someone else’s denial - ask yourself: where am I in denial about my own life? Instead of ranting about your delusional third cousin, ask yourself: where am I deluded? THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS! This is the path.

May God’s light reveal what it must in order for us to receive all that we need to be fully human, alive, vibrant, and true to him. May we love BIG.

Fully Human...

The pandemic of 2020 has afforded me the grand privilege of spending more time with my grandchildren. Two preschool children and 7 adults (4 parents, 2 grandparents and 1 uncle) - all in quarantine, all the adults have full-time jobs, everyone committed to trying to keep their jobs and enrich the lives of these two little humans. I suspect in the years ahead we might remember these as the sweetest of all times. And it is. But it is also a challenge. (If anyone knows how to get glitter out of my grandchildren’s hair, applied with glue, I’ll gladly make you brownies with gluten, real sugar and butter.)

As a family we check and cross-check our decisions. We have conflict. We argue. We judge one another. But we also figure out work arounds. In the pandemic, we decided that we would vote on what decisions we find acceptable risk, and which ones we are not willing to take a chance on. If a decision to venture out of the safety of the bubble (as defined by the family) is required (sickness, protesting, counter-protesting, medical emergencies, “accidentally” getting our hair cut), that person agrees to a 2 week quarantine from the larger family unit. I have been extremely grateful for the way my adult children navigate these waters with mutual respect and a commitment to honoring the person with the biggest feelings on any given decision - sometimes loudly. We are all quite well aware that we do not know what we are doing, but frankly, our decision-making is not being driven by the pandemic so much as it is our commitment to love one another. Imperfectly. Awkwardly. With a lot of glitter.

I watched yesterday as my daughter took care of her niece’s poopy diaper with such gentleness and loving care. “And I thought to myself...what a wonderful world…”

I observed my son playing football with his nephew. Throwing and catching and fetching and running...over and over and over. “And I thought to myself...what a wonderful world…”

Cooped up, covered in glitter and other unmentionables - I know that I am a lucky duck. So many are so far away from their loved ones. Others are not aligned in terms of how to think and respond to this unprecedented time in history. And to be clear - we are not all in alignment in thought, word and deed either. But what we will not compromise is LOVE. And that means we give and receive, take and take back. For the next few blogs, let’s return to some basics in search of the sublime. It’s possible, I believe, to see the beauty in struggle if we put on our God vision goggles and buy a lot of glitter.

What Are You Missing?

“Courage is contagious. A critical mass of brave leaders is the foundation of an intentionally courageous culture. Every time we are brave with our lives, we make the people around us a little braver and our organizations bolder and stronger.”

Brene Brown

We live in troubling times, to deny that is just silly. But I wonder what else we are denying, missing or ignoring that is beyond silly and is downright foolish. Want to change the culture? We can start with being “brave with our lives”!

When I deny my responsibility to be part of the solution, I am diminishing myself and the God who made me. Michelle took responsibility for her life and it helped her husband evaluate his life too.

When I believe that my opinions might hold sway with another, I am distracting myself from the work of holding people when they stumble and sway. Kevin had many issues that sunk him into a depression he was self-medicating. Once he sought some outside help, many voices reminded him of how much he was loved and deserved care.

When I ask for the world to ease my anxiety and “be better,” I am asking the wrong question and directing it at the wrong people. I am responsible for my feelings and I can only ask myself to evaluate and execute the call to “be better” by “doing better” - which no doubt must look different for each one of us. Ultimately, I am in awe of Michelle and Kevin and their friends. They all played a part in renewing all the relationships that were involved.

When I ask you to change, I am rude. Michelle’s request for Kevin to change caused resentment, her willingness to name her own needs led to change.

When I refuse to hear your request for me to change, I am missing an opportunity to learn. Kevin could have refused to negotiate, but he didn’t!

Often in relationships change will be a two-way street. But when we keep making it about the other person, we really are heading for a collision.

A Pause For Prayer

“We run from grief because loss scares us, yet our hearts reach toward grief because the broken parts want to mend.”

Brene Brown

Let’s pray…

God, I cannot escape from your presence or control. My work is to believe that your grace and mercy guide your hand, and it is my privilege, a true gift, to receive your wisdom, patience, mercy and grace. Does the discovery of your goodness banish my fear, draw me near to you, help me to confess my shortcomings? Sometimes. When I review my past failings and am conscious of my present character defects, I hesitate to come to you. I distract myself with small creature comforts. But you, O God, did not create me to be too small or too big. I may be foundationally made from dust, but I also bear your image. Although I am capable of breaking a lot of stuff, You save me. I need you. Restore to me the joy of my salvation; renew my strength. Grant me the joy of spirituality in a world that is shaken and stirred, crass and confused.

Amen

Seeking Solutions

“I believe that what we regret most are our failures of courage, whether it’s the courage to be kinder, to show up, to say how we feel, to set boundaries, to be good to ourselves. For that reason, regret can be the birthplace of empathy.”

Brene Brown

Brene has taught kazillions of her listeners that we are all doing the best we can. That may not be particularly effective or good, but she urges us to assume people are doing the best they can. This cuts down on judgment - which is always a good thing.

When Michelle showed up with her list of needs, the negotiation began in earnest but without fighting. Together, they decided the following:

1. They would get couple’s counseling to work through this issue. (The therapist eventually suggested individual therapy for Kevin and he agreed. It was received much better from an “expert” than if his wife had suggested it.)

2. Kevin would get sober curious. He chose to take a 30 day hiatus from all drinking and just see what happened.

3. They bought gym equipment for their house and began daily quarantine walks - which, it turns out - made it easier for them to open up with each other. Something they had been missing but had not realized.

4. Michelle agreed to not ask any questions about his drinking, his therapy or EVER mention that golf trip again.

5. And Kevin, God love him, went and made amends to his friends. The husbands and the wives.

As of this writing, Kevin is 120 days sober, has lost a few pounds, and is now pursuing a career change. It turns out that he wants to be a little less productive as a rainmaker and more present for his family. It’s not all perfect, but it is so much better than it was at the start of 2020. See? Not everything about this year is a bust, cause this family is thriving!

* Dare to dream. What solution do you seek? What is your problem to address?