Weekly Blog

Tips, Tricks, Skills, Spirituality and Wisdom

Teresa McBean 12/29/17 Teresa McBean 12/29/17

We are all doing the best we can

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At NSC we try to bring a variety of voices to the table of reckoning. One voice that has been amazingly helpful is the work of Brene Brown – who is amazing. We could do far worse than reading every word she has written and watching all her Youtube videos like any decent rabid fan would do.

She’s the one that introduced the language that we are all doing the best we can. It helped that she fought against this concept tooth and nail herself in order to accept its premise and mostly true. We certainly resisted the concept.

But after wearing this slogan for a while, most of us agree with her. We are all doing the best we can – and sometimes it isn’t very good.

One of the things I like about this reminder is what it doesn’t say. It doesn’t say that someone’s best even when it is awful needs to be tolerated. If we’re in a relationship that includes someone’s “best” as being abusive, ugly and inappropriate OUR BEST might include having the courage to walk away from the relationship.

Her phrase fits nicely with another slogan: when we know better we do better.

Understanding that people are doing the best they can is an invitation to find our empathy and compassion NOT a directive to tolerate unacceptable relationship practices.

It also doesn’t suggest that the best we can do today is our highest achievement in “bestness.” Surely our pursuit of inspired vision and following God compels us to pay attention and learn new ways of being better more decent human beings.

How can we continue to remind ourselves of the “both/and” of compassion paired with the commitment to continual transformation?

Teresa McBean 12/28/17 Teresa McBean 12/28/17

Doing what is yours to do

Most people show up on the doorstep of NSC with serious issues. I am spoiled as a pastor in the midst of a community that usually gets the real deal and doesn’t major in the minor. There are exceptions, of course. I can go off the rails at any moment. J

There are things that I’ve learned from my peeps that have helped me in my growing up process. I’m reviewing the ones that have been most helpful to me as this year draws to a close.

Concern yourself with what is yours to do.

I have pastor friends who talk a lot about the petty infighting among their congregants. If this happens at our place, I am fortunate to be left out of the mix. Our respect for the 12-steps as an action plan give us some basic principles that most of us are working to execute.

A decent action plan can serve as a safety net for getting too far off the path. For example, someone was talking about how disappointed they were in response to some friend group shenanigans. They were pretty whipped up about the experience and reported feeling abandoned.

They were given a sympathetic, listening ear and then asked two questions:

1. Is it true that you were abandoned?

2. What part did you play in the debacle?

The first question is one we have practiced appreciating. Many folks in our community hear the first question and have a skill set attached to how to respond. It isn’t received as uncaring or condescending but as a wake-up call. We’ve figured out about triggers and speculation and even this thing called “chaining” and these concepts have helped us appreciate a good wake-up call without taking offense. I’m pretty sure this question is unhelpful in situations that don’t have the accompanying training for how to process it.

Second question is like breathing for us. When you read the 12-steps it is obvious that these steps teach us how to work on our side of the street and not get distracted by the view from someone else’s window of understanding. Again, I don’t think whipping out the steps and going it alone is healthy much less helpful. But as a community, our commitment to the process, however messy, is helpful.

I promise you – concerning ourselves with what is ours to do is the way to go.

Teresa McBean 12/27/17 Teresa McBean 12/27/17

Needs versus Wants

Many of us fear that the law of scarcity is true and we will never get what we need to sustain life. If we’ve managed to acquire some semblance of security, our fear turns to terror of losing what we have worked so hard to acquire. This is so normal.

One of the points we attempt to make on a regular basis is this idea that God is for us. He wants to give us stuff. Not shiny trinkets or the fulfillment obsessions that prove distracting. God is interested in giving us an inspired way of seeing that reflects His way of being. It is in this sacred space that abundance takes on new and richer meaning.

In preparation for receiving this vision, I’m going to take some time today to list my needs versus my wants. I’m going to ask myself some tough follow up questions that may include the following:

1. Am I willing to deliberately give up my fascination with my wants for the sake of preparing myself to receive true abundance?

2. Am I ready to do my part to participate in the work of taking care of my needs so that I am better prepared to help others who cannot provide for their own?

3. What am I clutching onto so tight that my eyes are closed to a new and different way of evaluating my life?

I’m not super excited about this activity BUT I am extremely motivated to continue my quest for bringing my life into alignment with a God who continues to promise me rest and abundance.

Teresa McBean 12/26/17 Teresa McBean 12/26/17

Pausing to Prepare

My best Christmas ever was the year I received a jewel-toned green bicycle with a light. It was a thing of beauty and provided me with freedom to travel hither and yon. But getting EXACTLY what I wanted wasn’t enough to keep me from feeling the post-Christmas slump.

After the holiday havoc is under control at your place, can you find some time to sit still and reckon with what you need (as opposed to what you want)?

These next few days can be crucial times of contemplation and preparation for 2018.

People who study these things tell us that contemplation is an essential prerequisite to execution of a desired lifestyle change.

Today, may you find time for the pause.

Teresa McBean 12/25/17 Teresa McBean 12/25/17

Labor of Love

Christmas Day – a time when families gather together and follow traditions that have been passed down through generations. This is a mixed bag of sacred and profane; joy and suffering. Families are complicated.

Today, if your life is…..complicated, lonely, disappointing…I encourage you to do something different.

Text people and let them know you are thinking of them. Find a way to enjoy the day you have even if it doesn’t fit your expectations. Aren’t with the people you love love love today? That’s ok, love the ones you’re with! Don’t be a grumpy pants just because the day isn’t ordered according to your preferences!

Practice a sacred spiritual discipline. Don’t have one? No worries – there’s an app for that! You could start a meditation practice. (I am currently obsessing over insight timer.) You could make plans for creating a sacred space for daily quiet time.

Do something you love.

And if all else fails, remind yourself that today is 24 hours long – this too shall pass.

Now, why are you still reading this? Go make the day a reflection of your inspired way of seeing!!!!