God is making things "right": Part II

Acceptance element #4: The willingness to trust that, on the aggregate, God steers creation in a hopeful direction

When Brittany and I suffered our losses, we weren’t suffering on account of our faith.  Nobody was persecuting us and we were not under attack. While we can draw hope from these verses knowing that they remind us that God does have a plan that is slowly unfolding, their truest audience is someone persisting in the midst of persecution.  

And so, my summary of the summary of these verses would be this:  God is steering creation in a hopeful direction. To suggest anything more specific is to get lost in the details of a verse that is notoriously difficult to translate in a way that is true to its original language.  

Knowing that God steers creation in a hopeful direction does not necessarily solve our problems or make us feel better about the tragedies that have befallen us.  However, our ultimate hope, in faith, is that God will redeem creation to such a degree that tragedy is no longer a part of creation. For this reason, I don’t think Paul’s reminder falls on deaf ears, and I do find it uplifting.  I can both experience life’s tragedy as tragedy (meaning: I don’t have to pretend that tragedy is joy in disguise) and use that as a reminder that God is actively working to remove tragedy itself from his creation because he does not want it there.  Tragedy is not God’s desired plan for his people.

Believing that, I think, opens us up just a little bit more to accepting the world as it is.

God is (slowly) making things "right"

Acceptance element #4: The willingness to trust that, on the aggregate, God steers creation in a hopeful direction

We know that God works all things together for good for the ones who love God, for those who are called according to his purpose.  

~Romans 8:28, CEB

People often point to this verse as a way of saying that things that are bad only seem bad and that, one day, we'll understand better because all things are actually good once you have time, distance, and perspective.  

That isn’t actually what’s being said, if we pay attention to context.  As short as I can be, Paul is telling his readers that, though their current circumstances have caused them to despair, their ultimate hope is in a God who, through his spirit, works through creation to bring about his good purposes.  He is speaking on a very wide scale here. God’s plan, what he intends to accomplish in his creation, is ultimately for the good and will be of most benefit to his followers. Paul is not talking here about lost pregnancies or children with substance use disorder, or any specific tragedy that a person may undergo.  He is simply highlighting the fact, once again, that God is in the process of transforming creation and this will be undoubtedly good news for people like those in the Roman church who are suffering on account of their faith.  

More on this tomorrow.

Resist the Alternate Universe

Acceptance Element #3:  The willingness to resist idealizing alternative ways in which life “might” have gone

If I could give the parents I talk to on behalf of my work a gift, I would give them the gift of being unable to fantasize about their child’s future.  I know, I know parents can’t help it. I’ll learn this very soon myself. But parents so often talk to Teresa/mom and myself about how their child’s substance use disorder is such a shame and how they just know their child would be a doctor, lawyer, programmer, or whatever if they had just not gone down that particular path.  

There is so much grief over what might have been.  Believe me, I know it is not easy to see your child struggle and to wish things had gone differently.  That is natural, normal, and probably healthy to an extent.  But, it can also become an unhealthy obsession that prevents a parent from seeing and interacting with their child as that person really is.    

I think that considering negative realistic alternatives for our lives can be incredibly useful.  Considering the ways in which things could have been worse has the potential to push us ever so slightly in the direction of gratitude in the midst of turmoil.  Considering the ways in which things “should” be better, as we often do, does not serve us particularly well. It opens us up to additional resentment and contempt and distracts us from whatever work is actually in front of us, today, in real time, in our real lives.  

There is no alternative universe where things went perfectly well.  There is only the life we have. Let’s focus our attention on what is lest we miss opportunities to love and care for the people and world around us.  In so doing, we find a piece of acceptance.

Tolerating Tragedy: Part II

Element of acceptance #2:  The willingness to tolerate tragedy (in both a global and personal sense) without trying to pinpoint its source

Get caught up here.  

Can I believe that God loves me even when it seems that we’re not going to get something that we desperately want (and something that is legitimately good, at that!)?  That is the challenge. Brittany and I have had to wrestle deeply with this question over the past few years.

So often people try to take this a few steps further, saying things like:  God has something better in mind. God isn’t giving you things because of your sin.  God has his own timing and he’s teaching you patience. God’s withholding something from you so that your testimony will be better later.  

I don’t particularly care for any of those explanations because they’re all suggesting the same thing:  Things happen because God is either 1. Rewarding us 2. Punishing us or 3. Teaching us (and the “teaching” in this case usually involves some kind of withholding that feels an awful lot like punishment).  The book of Job strikes down all three of these possibilities, but they still circulate widely because us humans are silly dumb-dumb’s who take a while to learn difficult things.

Faith, we falsely believe, should give us a framework for understanding.  It simply does not and cannot do that because faith is not primarily about us.  Faith is about God.  Explanations are about our anxiety, not about God’s activity.  Acceptance demands that we go beyond pat answers. It asks us to consider that tragedy happens in the world, and it happens often, and it may have nothing to do with our sin and it may have nothing to do with God’s desire to punish, reward, or teach.  Sometimes it just happens because the world is a chaotic kind of place to live.

We do not know the source of tragedy.  We can tolerate the fact that tragedy happens without trying to pretend that tragedy is already redeemed.  There’s plenty of redemption ahead.  Not all of it is here just yet. Tolerating tragedy means living in tension.  Sometimes, that’s just what we’re called to do.

Tolerating Tragedy

Get caught up here.

Element of acceptance #2:  The willingness to tolerate tragedy (in both a global and personal sense) without trying to pinpoint its source

Once we got the news about Brittany’s health, we had basically two options: try to adopt, or accept life as non-parents.  We knew there was a good chance we would not be able to fundraise the money for adoption and, if that happened, we would have to orient ourselves to a completely different vision of our future together.  We did not want to live as a childless couple. But, we understood, life does not often give you what you want.

As people of faith, there are complicated questions that arise as a result of being confronted with that painful reality:  Does God love me? Does God care how I experience my own life? Does God truly provide for his people? Why is this happening?

Now, the temptation in hindsight is to say, “Of course he does!  Look how he provided for you and made you parents!” Yes, he did, that is true.  However, it is also true that there are plenty of people in this world who love God, and want to become parents, who do not become parents.  Do we think God does not love them and did not provide for them?

I personally do not believe that.  I believe God’s love for us is steadfast and present regardless of whether or not Brittany and I became parents.  It is not easy for me to believe that. It is not some kind of unwavering confidence. It is shaky and filled with doubt.  Yet, this is my attempt to tolerate tragedy without pinpointing its source. What I mean is, I’m intentionally trying not to try to figure out why this happened.  

More on this tomorrow.