You DO have a virtue

Lately I’ve been wrestling with what it means, really means, to be created in the image of God (and our propensity to forget this truth). I’ve known this truth for many decades, but what exactly does it MEAN? When the scriptures tell us that the earth is God’s footstool, does that mean that we can be larger-than-life figures who can also rest our feet on earth like it’s a trendy pouf (those little round footstools in cool fabrics)? No. That cannot be right.

Do you know anything about the enneagram? If not, here’s a piece of it that pertains to this discussion. According to the enneagram, there are 9 “types” that represent each of our driving motivations. One aspect of this tool is a description of how each number has a particular “virtue.” Here are the nine virtues: serenity, humility, authenticity, equanimity, non-attachment, courage, sobriety, innocence and action. In this system, a holy virtue is the type-specific gift that each “type” has the capacity to contribute to the world.

This concept has caught my imagination. It has made me return again and again to this biblical notion that mankind is made “in the image of God” and I wonder - do each of us have the capacity to bear the image of God in a very specific, particular way?

I do love this idea; I hope it is true. I am intrigued to imagine that my baby body came pre-wired with the capacity to hold one particular characteristic of God.

For the next few days, we will wrestle with what this might mean for each of us. In the meantime, I wonder: do you have a sense of which virtue you are most capable of bringing to the world?

Forgetting to Remember

Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler co-starred in a movie way back in 2004 called “50 First Dates”. The premise was sad and cute. Drew is in an accident that leaves her incapable of remembering anything. Each morning she wakes up and hasn’t got a clue what’s up. Adam Sandler loves Barrymore’s character but he cannot woo her a little bit at a time. He has to woo her every single solitary day. Lots of madness and mayhem add to the comedic effect but cannot fully disguise the tragedy of being a person who cannot remember the love of their life once they fall asleep each night. Drew and Adam figure it out; they learn how to work with the disability.

We have a similar disability. We forget, resist remembering, however we want to frame it - knowing and living out the most important realities of life as a faithful people.

Humankind was created as God’s reflection: in the divine image God created them; female and male, God made them...God looked at all of this creation and proclaimed that this was good - very good.

~ Genesis 1:27, 31

My friend with the abusive husbands? She will tell you and anyone who listens that she is only “good” when she is dangling from the arm of a man who gives her expensive stuff. The young man who caused our car accident cannot seem to remember that all his driving mishaps were HIS FAULT!

My grandson, at only two years of age is developing amnesia too. It is developmentally appropriate amnesia, but it is amnesia. Prior to the age of two, it didn’t occur to my grandson that people he loves might leave. I’m not talking abandonment! He’s at that age when he doesn’t like us to leave the room we’re playing in. No potty breaks for Meme! No grabbing a cup of coffee from the kitchen without Christian looking up from his play and saying, “Meme. No leave Christian Tommy. Sit.” It is all very endearing. Never in his life has anyone left him...and not returned. But he’s getting old enough to wonder if someday that might happen.

My seven month old granddaughter has none of these issues. She is confident, as he was at that age, that the world revolves around her. Her people do NOT leave.

I am fascinated by this process of remembering and forgetting. I am extremely concerned to realize that we can forget things that are true - even without obvious reason to become forgetful.

We need to figure this out. What do we do? How do we change this propensity to forget? We’ll talk more about this in future days.

How committed ARE we?

I am ready to be approached by those who do not study me, ready to be found by those who do not seek me. I say, “I am here, I am here” to people who do not even invoke my name.” Isaiah 65:1

Having had a spiritual awakening in middle school, once we moved to Richmond, VA my spirituality got sleepy and fell into an exhausted slumber. Without the support of the friend and her family to gently guide me toward the light, I floundered and soon gave up on God.

That of course did not preclude God from continuing to love on me. I can name a hundred little encounters with folks that could have stirred my consciousness, but I had gotten busy taking care of myself. This meant I needed to provide for my own sense of security and approval in the world. In 1973 my world was Midlothian High School and that was my battle ground.

As prom chairman that year, my friends seemed concerned that I get a date and of course, I wanted to go. So when I guy I hardly knew, a Senior who some considered quite a catch asked me out I said yes. I was not interested in him in any way except for this one thing: he was going to the prom driving his dad’s purple Corvette. I LOVED that car. I cannot tell you how many stores I went to until I found the perfect dress, really cute by 1973 standards, to match that car. I went to great lengths and it cost me a pretty penny. I made less than $1.50 an hour and I spent over $100 on that dress. If you are a math person, you can figure out the cost per hour. But if you are not, let me bottom line this for you: I made a commitment.

Sometimes when I am particularly disappointed in my lack of progress in the change department (much less transformation), I ask myself: How committed am I to surrendering to the process of spiritual transformation? Am I committed when there is a big crisis and I need a bunch of support? Am I committed when I am afraid a big crisis looms ahead for me or the ones I love? Am I committed when life is going along AOK and is even a little boring? Am I committed when it is inconvenient, annoying, or requires something of me that disrupts my habits that promise to soothe my jangled nerves? Am I committed when the follow through is difficult and taxing? Am I as committed to the process of transformation and my part in it as I was to that purple dress?

Squinting in the fog

We don’t yet see things clearly: We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! 1 Corinthians 13:12 MSG

I want to talk to you about meaningful change. I believe at the core of ANY problem there is a spiritual component. I am NOT talking about sin. I am thinking about transformation. Transformation is NOT the same as change. Take for example peanut butter - one of my favorite anti-anxiety meds. If I get anxious, I run into the kitchen, open the pantry pretending I am looking for a nutritious snack, then end up with a spoon in one hand and the peanut butter jar in another. Mesmerizingly effective, a spoonful (or three) of peanut butter does something for me. In this example, peanut butter is my crack. It promises to solve one problem (anxiety) but contributes to my guilt and shame when I cannot fit into my favorite little black dress. Over the years, I promised to stop using peanut butter for the wrong reasons. What I refused to address was my anxiety. Peanut butter is seductive but not created to address my fears. Instead of taking a deep dive into dealing with the real issue, I kept looking for peanut butter substitutes. Something with less fat, fewer calories. A kind of peanut butter that would uphold its siren’s call promise to calm me without any...CONSEQUENCES. That is me trying to CHANGE. That is not transformation. This is me trying to figure out how to change without transforming.

Transformation is a metamorphosis. It’s a caterpillar into a butterfly kind of thing. If we look up its definition, we find words like: change of composition, substance, and character. Change is replacing one habit with another. Transformation is changing our DNA. It changes our personality, thoughts, feelings and actions as a by-product of a change of heart. It requires something that we cannot achieve through our best efforts. Progress can be made with regard to a habit but it takes more than white knuckles and the threat of eviction hanging over our heads or an ill-fitting dress to produce meaningful, lasting change - transformation. Transformation is a gift from God. It seems to require us to have enough clarity to realize that the biggest issue in any problem that is our responsibility to address are the issues related to ourselves.

My friend who acquires abusive husbands eventually comes to believe that the abuse is a problem and it is her spouse’s fault - and it is. Totally. No excuses. Completely wrong. But that is the problem that lies outside herself. And this is when it gets sticky and problematical.

IF MY FRIEND IDENTIFIED THE PROBLEM AS ONE ONLY OUTSIDE HERSELF SHE IS NOT MOTIVATED OR PARTICULARLY AWARE OF THE OTHER PROBLEMS THAT WERE HERS TO OWN AND DEAL WITH. This is a big deal. Please do not hear me blaming the victim. She is a victim of domestic violence. Period. And she is more than that too. She is not responsible for his abusive behaviors; she has the opportunity, however, to make different choices about the men she hangs out with.

To be continued…

If it weren't for bad luck...

Yesterday I mentioned a friend who has married abusive husbands two times. She thinks she is unlucky at love. I think more is going on. Here is what I think is happening: she is believing that her problems lie outside herself (and she is right). But that is not the ONLY problem.

I wonder if she notices the connection between her patterns (repetitive, habitual, compulsive patterns that she uses to soothe her anxieties and frustrations) and the effect of these patterns on her outcomes (hooking up with and marrying abusive men). My girlfriend, like the young man who hit our car, thinks she is unlucky at love. This is not a case of bad luck.

When tornadoes struck our community this fall one man died when his building was crushed by the tornado. That was extremely bad luck for him. The rest of his team made it out alive. God was not smiting him, he didn’t deserve to lose his life in a freak accident. A weather event led to his untimely and very sad demise.

The young man who caused our accident when he crossed into our lane was an objectively poor driver. His driving record proved it. In fact, it was completely predictable that this young man would continue to have accidents unless he changed his driving habits.

My friend has some beliefs (a man completes her), fears (she cannot take care of herself), and frustrations (does not like living in a modest home without a pool and a platinum American Express). You see where this leads?

These are examples of denial. We do not see ourselves and our choices clearly. These are examples of resistance. We resist change, especially when change is hard. The changes we need to make are very very hard ones. They will require intentionality and a conscious attempt to resist our own resistance!

I wonder what patterns we are each missing? And what it is costing us.

We don’t yet see things clearly: We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

1 Corinthians 13:12 MSG