Perspective and Experience

Yesterday I wrote that one aspect of flourishing is the ability to maintain perspective. This means, essentially, that though one type of experience may dominate our lives at a given moment, we acknowledge that it is not the only type of experience that exists or that is available to us. That sounds vague, I know, so let’s deal with an example. Families in recovery often have very tense interactions when they gather together. We see many families in fact who share a house with someone who is in active substance use disorder, and the house is not a pleasant place to be. The fear, the anxiety, the frustration, the anger, the resentment, and the tension can dominate the experience, but they are not the only experiences available to us.

There are ways to find moments of happiness and moments of joy, even if they seem fleeting by comparison at that moment. We can both actively struggle and find breaks from that struggle if we can be disciplined in setting aside the dominate feeling for a moment. One way we recommend doing this is to go to a movie, or go bowling, or go out to eat, without talking about anything serious.

How do you find breaks from your struggles while in the midst of the struggle?

What helps you flourish?

We’re going to be talking about flourishing for a few days. What do I mean by flourishing? I don’t have a good definition, so let me instead point to a few types of things that define flourishing. Flourishing is about acknowledging and accepting our life circumstances. It is the willingness to do difficult things in order to stay faithful to our certain way of seeing (we might call this courage). It is about finding perspective, even when our circumstances are so oppressive that it is difficult to see beyond the darkness of the present moment. It is about pursuing hope, which is the art of living as if God is not yet done transforming his creation.

What would you add to the list?

2019: A Year for Flourishing?

So often in a recovery community we end up talking about suffering. In many ways our sufferings are what drew us towards this community, or what drew us into recovery. It’s important to talk about our suffering because our culture’s superficiality often forces us into silence over our suffering, which leaves us isolated.

And yet…too much focus on suffering leads to unproductive rumination. This is true of us as individuals and true of us as a community. In 2018, we tried to shift away from community rumination. We talked about responsibility, we talked about ways to find hope, we talked about covering each other’s weaknesses, and more.

We’re now in the second month of 2019, and resolutions are, perhaps, beginning to fall by the wayside. I am resolving, though, to try to push our community conversation towards flourishing. What does it mean to flourish? How do we pursue it? I’m going to spend at least a few days of devotionals exploring these things.

If you’re struggling, this does not mean I’m going to leave you behind. It is possible to “flourish” while struggling, though it is a great challenge. I will try to keep the conversation grounded in reality.

Tomorrow will be different

In Richmond, we say if you do not like the weather, wait a day because it will surely change. This is good soul care advice too. I suspect we all find greater equanimity and peace when we realize that our highs and lows and in-betweens shift and morph and change. The mountain top experiences are lovely but temporary; as are the deep valleys of despair.

Whether I find myself up high or way down low, I remember this:

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.

Psalm 30:11, 12 NIV

My own view of life is shifting. It helps me, and I hope it is helpful for you too, to know that there is ALWAYS the possibility that God will gift us with singing hearts and joy. When I ran away from home that Spring Break oh so many years ago, I finished my quiet time and strapped on my boots. I went for a long hike. I RESOLVED to choose to believe that my wailing was valid but not permanent. I went looking for joy; I’ve practiced the discipline of joy for so long now that most days I find her.

As I write this, I am at NSC and we are readying ourselves for our Saturday night service. I’m a voyeur as the band practices their set list. I listen as they discuss and choose and wrangle over chord progressions. I am reminded how hard they work to sing and play for us and in this I recognize the joy. They practice; they prepare. Tonight, the music will pour out. It will be a sacrificial offering. And I am lucky enough to know what that costs them and the joy they receive from the offering. Joy is a beautiful contagious lover of God and his people.

One final thought on joy; I cannot find her in isolation. All my joy stories revolve around others. I do not know what this means, only that it is true for me. Where do you find joy? Are you looking for her like a jealous lover?

Hope and despair

Once, many years ago, I was in a despair the likes of which I could not shake. Scott was at Va. Tech in school; Meredith was far away working; Pete was out of town. Michael was in high school and on Spring Break. I needed hope so desperately and my skin, my being, could not stay at home and go to work one more day in such a state of hopelessness.

I asked Michael if he would agree to a road trip, and he was kind enough to oblige. We threw some stuff in a bag and headed west. I dropped Michael off at Scott’s apartment in Blacksburg for a guys’ night, and I went to a local hotel. It was nothing special but this is what you get in Blacksburg with no notice.

That night I was in bed as soon as I got to the room; I woke early the next morning, went out to get coffee and a breakfast sandwich and returned to the solitude of the rented room. I transferred the steaming coffee into my favorite mug and retrieved my quiet time materials. Then I sat. I just sat. I reminded myself that I sit because there is a God and I am not him. I sit to honor his presence, without expecting to hear his voice. It is enough to sit. I sat until I could bear to listen. Then I opened my tattered copy of “Rooted In God’s Love” and turned to the next entry, finding this prayer from Dale and Juanita Ryan:

Lord of joy,

Lord of celebration,

open my heart to the possibility of joy today.

Help me to tolerate the confusion

that comes when sorrow and joy live side by side in my heart.

Give me the courage to

joyfully celebrate life.

Amen

Without a lot of fanfare, my mind opened to a new way of seeing - unbidden and undeserved - hope showed up in the nick of time. I saw how my day-to-day activities often created the illusion that life was more sorrow than joy. As my vision “corrected,” I grabbed my journal and out flowed the joy. The moment I turned and looked at my boys the previous evening, so glad to be together with game controllers in hand. The beauty of the coming Spring evident in the Virginia mountains that I so deeply love. On and on my joy poured out on the pages of my notebook. None of this was news to me, but it had ALL been forgotten. I was bogged down in confusion and sorrow, missing the joy that lived side by side in my heart.

So my friend, as we work to “get it right” - which is a good thing, we must find time to connect to our joy. We sit and wait on the Lord to give us the gift of hope - a gift that comes with no strings. But we also “get it right” as we take time to rightly remember. Look for the joy. Sorrow is a needy beast always yapping at our heels for our attention. Joy is far kinder and more polite. She waits for us to notice her, sitting patiently, eager to connect with us. Friends - find the joy! Then spread it around all willy nilly!