Fail Better

When I was a little kid we lived in Virginia Beach. On the weekends we would often go through the tunnel and head back to Portsmouth, where my father's people lived, for family visits. For the length of the tunnel ride, my dad would yell, "Don't open those windows kids, if you do the water will come in!" I was terrified. I thought we were driving through water and our life depended on quickly plowing through it in our Chevy before our oxygen ran our or we sprung a leak. It turns out, I was also wrong about that tunnel. It was keeping the water out, not providing a mysterious passage via underwater travel in a Chevy.

Much of my life has been spent searching for the "right" belief system, the "correct" way to behave, the "best practice" for whatever project I undertook. I was wrong. I had it all backwards.

Growth, change, transformation - none of that stuff that I value so very much - is achieved through getting stuff right. I have fired myself from my endless search for the right answers in favor of what is turning out to be a ton more fun - wading through all the ways I am wrong, acknowledge it, embrace it and learn from it. If we can find a way to use our mistakes to make a few less mistakes tomorrow - we are growing!

Where is your tunnel-full-of-water leading you astray? Where is your endless search for improvement really taking you? What about if we all could get a bit more excited about noticing what we don't know, what we've gotten wrong, what we've failed at....and how that can help us learn something new, do something a little less wrong tomorrow, fail better?

What’s Next?

Last night we went out to the courts and played tennis. It was fun! Our rallies were longer, our score less lopsided in Pete's favor. We realize that that old saying about "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" is oh, so true.

The pandemic locked us up and closed us in. Reports of post-pandemic anxiety disorders and depression are everywhere! Many of us did NOT do an amazing backyard renovation project that we revealed on Instagram. Most of us never got around to cleaning our all our closets or learned about Maria Kondo folding techniques. We're a bit like circus animals who are so conditioned to a small confined space that they never even try to escape - even though escape would be easy!

Listen - we've busted out and we've come back to tell you the truth - so can you! Get out of the routine, mundane, nothing's gonna change mindset! Find your way back to new adventures. Play more! It's perfectly reasonable to acknowledge the impact that the pandemic has had on the world - but I ask you: What are you going to take responsibility for as a result? What are you going to do to change you? How will you change your relationship with anxiety and fear? The world is not our responsibility, although we can be responsible members of our community.

But what is our responsibility is ourselves. What are you going to do next?

It’s Not Really About the Tennis Lessons…

One of the reasons Pete and I suffered with a mediocre tennis game for so long is that we were not willing to invest in ourselves. There was always something more pressing that called out for our discretionary income. Why would we old people choose to spend $40 on a tennis lesson? I mean, honestly, it is a privilege to even have discretionary income - is it right to spend it on ourselves?

Lately, we have changed the question around: why NOT spend $40 on a tennis lesson?

There is a proverb in the bible that says: He who ignores disciplines despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding (Proverbs 15:32, NIV).

An unwillingness to invest in yourself is a form of self-loathing.

Ask yourself these questions and see where you land: Do I want wisdom - and if so, in what area of my life? What am I willing to change? Who can help me and how do I make contact?

See, it's not about the tennis lessons. It's about hope. It's about belief. It's about faith. We may practice this hope, belief and faith by taking tennis lessons, which seems on its face kind of silly. But what we've discovered is that one little humble step in investing in ourselves pays dividends by expanding our horizons for the possibility of change in other, perhaps more significant areas of our life.

Slow, Steady Improvement

It never occurred to me that tennis lessons could actually improve my game...at my advanced stage of living. I thought I was doing the best I could by willingly taking to the hot courts several times a week and flailing away at the ball. It's not like I was sitting at home in my rocker watching Jeopardy! (Not that this is a problem if others do rock and watch!)

I had grown content to win a game or two off of Pete per set and tamp down my natural inclination to compete for a win. I thought this was me being mature. But it turns out, I was wrong.

What I missed, by a lot, was this amazing concept called tennis fundamentals. After a few weeks of feedback, tips, drills and regular practice - my game has improved. My backhand is solid, my forehand is actually worse, and my serve is more inconsistent. This is progress.

It means, I am told, that I am trying new techniques that will eventually pay dividends. I can already see the truth of this; although my serve is less consistent, when it does land in the right box it has some spin on it and I can even exert some control over placement.

Tennis is no big deal but the capacity for humility - assuming there are answers out there and someone can help me - is huge. I am applying this to other areas of my life too. It turns out, in virtually any area of my life, there is someone else out in this wild world of ours who can coach, mentor and guide me. People like to help!

And I love it. I love it so much. It brings me joy to lean into learning and change.

What areas of your life have you given up on changing? Not so fast? Maybe you, like me, just need a little help from your friends! Who can you reach out to?

Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths.

Psalms 25:4 NIV

Summer Camp For Grandparents!

Scott spent a month reviewing his old ways of thinking, believing and even communicating. He found some glaring changes, a few thoughts that he modified, a couple of tweaks and some continued agreement with himself. In other words - like the rest of us, Scott keeps changing his mind about some things and not about others.

This got me thinking.

I wonder what it takes to change my mind? See, I know I can be contrary and stubborn. I can resist change. But, I can also abandon things that have served me well when I fall in lust of a new theory, idea or fad.

How the heck do I even determine WHAT to change?

I wonder if most of us aren't just flailing around, trying to figure out how to avoid problems. And I wonder if this is a lousy way to live.

For 50 years (can you even believe it?!?) Pete, my husband, and I have been playing tennis against each other. We have loved competing against each other. And, despite our frequent trips to the courts, we really have not improved our game that much - and we didn't play that well to begin with...until.

We changed.

We decided that it was never too late for old dogs to learn new tricks.

We decided that we were worth investing in. We decided that we didn't just want to go out and muddle our way through a couple of sets of tennis, we wanted to enjoy rallies and actually improve our on-court performance.

So we have created summer camp for grandparents, post pandemic. We are taking tennis lessons, and Pete is even as I type away, taking a golf lesson.

And...whether you care to know or not, our tennis game is improving! It turns out that if you take lessons from some dude who is good at tennis, he can improve even an old person's game!

In tomorrow's blog, I'm going to dive into why I think the decision to change, to do something different, even with something as minor as tennis lessons, can be sacred.