The Little Engine That Could Not…
I used to think I had to be the little engine that could until I realized one day that I could not. I could not keep on with this pattern of living that required me to give without regard for my own wellbeing. Most of us are familiar with Jesus' teaching on "turn the other cheek." As a Christian, I figured this was an important teaching - after all, it shows up more than once in the gospels. It really does SOUND like we are supposed to set ourselves up to be human punching bags in these passages. And, my family system of origin, while completely irreligious in my early formative years, taught me the same thing. I lapped this stuff up like it was melting ice cream on a hot summer's day.
Why? Because if JESUS said turn the other cheek, then maybe I did not need to question the way in which I was parented. I could ignore the unhealthy aspects of my family and focus my attention on doing what I was raised to do - give.
I am not going to try to exegete such an important passage of scripture in a blog. But here's what I'm learning. The world is a violent place and people are not particularly nice. When under duress, they probably are never going to see someone else's position from a place of compassion and empathy. That's a given. It's not personal, it is a reflection of who they are not what you have or have not done.
However, the effect of this violence is devastating. And it is violence. Anytime we are not living in such a way as to communicate positive regard for others and deep respect, it is an assault on each individual's capacity for virtue.
Turning the other cheek, for all that it means and does not mean, may point us in a certain direction for understanding. We need to learn that the world is a violent place and how to handle these constant assaults on our souls. The answer is rarely going to be found within the context of the relationship of anyone who is willing to strike you on your cheek in the first place. Depending on the relationship, it may need to be addressed.
But other times, it simply needs to be acknowledged. That person was violent toward me. I need to turn and walk in a different direction. This does not preclude a relationship but it changes the nature of the relationship in profound ways.
And hear me on this...you do not have to keep giving to that relationship. You can step back. You can give someone else a turn to give to them.
What relationships are you in that are not nurturing? Step back. Re-evaluate. Consider other options. Sometimes we need help sorting all this out. That's ok. Just know that there is something there that needs sorting, and if you do not do so, your body will let you know.
