A Humble Faith
Over 50% of our community is comprised of men and women in early recovery. Most of them were raised by family who took them to church, enforced scripture memory, embedded in their very souls a belief in God. And they struggle with substance use disorder, co-occurring disorders, and trauma. Sure, there are some who also wrestle with believing in a Higher Power. They ask hard questions like, "Where was God when....?" And the "whens" are awful - so I respect the questioning.
But most have faith. This faith is filled with lots of expectations. They will recite the scriptures about faith and moving mountains. Even though their addiction feels like Mt. Everest, they believe that faith can and SHOULD move mountains. This is a bit of a problem because for some, in spite of their most sincere attempts to get sober, they will never see their own mountain moved. I suppose that is why I admire their faith; they have the kind of faith that believes even when it cannot be seen. There is no evidence that their faith is moving a mountain, or curing their affliction. They judge themselves for this perceived lack of faith. Occasionally someone will mention the passage about having the faith the size of a mustard seed as an acceptable standard for faith, but rarely. This judgment breaks my heart.
This is why I am so grateful for the entirety of the scriptures because God shows us what faith looks like over a large swath of history in the Bible. Take for example Judges 6. The People of Israel have gone back, yet again, to doing evil in God's sight. God put them under the domination of Midian for seven years. The mighty chosen people of God are hiding out in caves and whatnot under this awful oppression.
Then one day the angel of God comes, sits down under an oak tree, and says to Gideon, "God is with you mighty warrior!" This is a very weird thing to say, because Gideon in that current moment, cannot not muster up a seed of faith. Gideon sees himself as the, and I quote from The Message translation here, "the runt of the litter." Through a series of tests by Gideon of God, there eventually comes a day when Gideon lives into his name. He becomes a mighty warrior; he saves his people from oppression.
Gideon gives me a broader perspective on faith. He carried out the will of God without belief that he had any. God used the runt of the litter to save his misbehaving people. Because God can and will do what God wants. Faith is not about our muscles, it is not about our obedience, it is a gift. Faith is, as the scriptures also says, evidence of things not seen.
Faith is evidence that somehow, someway, God shows up and reveals himself to us in such a way that we are willing to do something different because of the way we see ourselves in relation to life. We realize that some days, we are the evidence. As evidence, we make choices that are faithful. Faith is not about us. It is about God.
So today, whatever you are doing, whoever you are being, just remember: you have an opportunity to receive a gift from God that allows you the privilege of being someone's reason to believe. Even if you are the runt of the litter.
PS. I write this blog today with a heavy heart. My friend, Lugene has for over twenty years read this blog, which used to be daily. She passed away recently, and this is the first one I have written since she headed home to God. Over the years she would send me emails about her experience with it, post it on Facebook, forward it to friends. Today, I have to muster faith to even write one; without her here, it feels so very sad to even try. Thank you Lugene for your faithfulness. My friend, I miss you.
