Have You Had Enough?

“Sometimes you have to realize that you’ve HAD enough to realize that you ARE enough.”

Mandy Hale

Learning to love ourselves is not simply getting better at giving ourselves a pat on the head and a snuggly hug. Love is a verb. Love. Love yourself. This can be quite challenging. When am I loving myself versus when am I acting selfishly? Am I loving myself or being self-indulgent? What about when it feels like my world is falling apart - how do I love myself when I am afraid I am the one whose hands are causing the destruction?

I find this spacious middle ground where I can wait for something to shift in my understanding and gain discernment when I remember that it is God’s way to improve things. Psalm 130 teaches us just that. It allows for the reality that God is up to something important and although he is super patient (usually good news for us) with a timeline that does not always align with our preferences, we as his followers can trust this is true. Whether or not we align ourselves with his intentions is our choice. But as we make these choices to follow or not, it might help to remember that this is GOD we’re talking about.

God, for whatever reason, has chosen mere mortals to participate in his work. This is our choice. It does not necessarily make life easier; in fact, I find it quite challenging. But I consider the other options and return to Him over and over again.

One of the best preachers I ever heard was James Pardue. He pastored our church faithfully and well for many years when Pete and I were raising our young children. He was a gifted teacher and spiritual guide of enormous integrity. I remember him telling me a story about a young person asking him if he was sure God existed. And, God bless him, he told the truth. He replied that he was not sure of much of anything. BUT, he added, it seemed to him that from the best he could tell, if God was real, he was headed in the right direction and he, Jim Pardue, thought it best to follow.

I could not believe his candor. He had doubts! But as best he could tell, God’s intentions were for good and not evil. He concluded with a quote I wrote in my bible and offer to you now, “I have decided that I prefer the life of a follower than the life of a salmon.”

This quiet, committed man knew he did not want to spend his life swimming against the current of God’s love, grace and mercy. Sometimes, we wake up and realize that we have been swimming against the tide of God’s love, grace and mercy for all.

Have you had enough? Are you ready to accept that you are enough? You are inherently worthy and flawed, fully human, chosen by God to improve the world in the way that suits the nature of God.

Aligning Your Values With Your Actions

“When you start to see your worth, you’ll find it harder to spend time with people who don’t see it too.”

Life on Purpose, Jan. 8.

Who do you want to become? How does your voting record reflect your intentions? I’m not talking politics, I’m talking intentions paired with actions, practices, and responsibility.

How do you want to define “worth”? It is our job to decide for ourselves what that means; how we live it out in the arena of family and community will determine whether or not we are telling ourselves the truth about what we value.

Today, notice how you vote.

Want to be a loving human? Ok, great. How did that show up when you got cut off in traffic, had a neighbor put up a sign you disagree with, or when someone hurt your feelings?

Want to be a decent parent? Ok, cool. How did that show up in the tone of your voice, your patience (or lack thereof), your presence, your humility and willingness to be a student of your child?

Want to be a valuable employee? Also fine. How valuable were you today?

Want to be a faithful person? How consciously did you walk with God and follow the tenets of your faith?

When we strive to match our voting with our values, we can appreciate our worth. We can value ourselves because we are living our values.

Today, consider taking a few minutes to reflect, breathe, and commit to your values.

The Journey

“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.”

Ursula K. Le Guin

Almost 21 years ago we entered into this crazy adventure of starting a recovery ministry with a team of awesome people. I was ambivalent about upending our routines for this new thing but totally committed to its vision - providing a bridge for folks to travel between recovery and faith. Two decades ago it was harder, I think, to mix one’s recovery with one’s faith experience. Maybe I’m wrong but it feels like to me that this is less an issue today than it was in the 90’s.

As a pilot project it was easy to not get overly focused on goals. This was helpful. Goals can sometimes create needless pressures and even side-track us if our goal setting is unrealistic or off target. We talked about helping “one person” as a worthy goal. That’s about as far as we went. Eventually we had to give up our illusion that the pilot project was short term and would soon allow us to return to our less complicated lives.

Over the years my sense of the journey has changed. I see the bridge less clearly. That early goal was driven by the needs of the day. Today, it feels more like a path we trod through desert and deep forest, up and down hills, “on up the mountain” to quote Jakob Dylan.

There is an intuition I have today that sings a song and gently tugs at my heart. It’s less about the objectives and more about the courage to keep going, even when the way seems dark and uncertain. I look back over 21 years and recognize the naivete in daring to think that we had much understanding of the implications of starting a new thing. My life, our lives as a family and community, is better served by not getting too caught up in focusing on the end of the journey. The naive woman who dared to think she knew what the future would hold has been wrong on so many fronts that my crystal ball has been confiscated.

I like goals. They are helpful, especially for the small stuff. But goals are not as helpful as a full on commitment to the journey. As it relates to the big stuff? I think that’s often the ego chattering away in an effort to distract us from the reality of how difficult the journey was, is and will be as we keep walking, one step at a time.

It’s awesome to have a sense of how we can be a part of something bigger than ourselves. But it is wisdom that guides us to hold lightly to our convictions about the destination and take our responsibility for how we travel very seriously.

How is your journey going? Are your intentions tugging at you? Is the kind of person you want to be applying the brakes gently on your desires to succeed, excel, and influence the world around you? It is always a good use of time to self-reflect and notice where we are giving ourselves permission to behave in ways that do not really fit our desire to be a better human.

Learning New Tricks

You will learn a lot from yourself if you stretch in the direction of goodness, of bigness, of kindness, of forgiveness, of emotional bravery. Be a warrior for love. Cheryl Strayed

I appreciate this idea that our actions should be guided by our intentions. Most people I know want to stretch in the direction of goodness. They do. I’m lucky that way. But that does not mean that we all agree on how that should look. This is not a problem UNLESS we unconsciously shift away from our intentions and forget who we want to grow up to be - good, kind, forgiving, brave, a warrior of love. ALL of these characteristics are easier to manifest if we start and end all conversations with asking and answering the following question, “Where do we agree? Where is our common ground?”

What would happen if we stopped judging and calling names and instead got serious about listening to one another? What would happen if we stopped thinking, “What a bunch of _______ !” (Insert what bad names you use when you judge another.) INSTEAD, what if we said, “Man, I understand. I feel disenfranchised and marginalized too. How can we fix this?”

My kids have led our family in finding the art of loving, gentle, reasonable, heartfelt conversations about topics that we all land in various places on. My son Michael in particular is a passionate guy and I know he has strong, strong feelings about any topic that he is invested in understanding. But he rarely condescends and if on occasion a little hot sauce is sprinkled over his words, he immediately apologizes and explains why he feels so passionately that his words come out fast and intense. He is one of the safest people I know to be curious with on a hot topic. I do not know how he became this man. We did not teach this because we did not know how to practice this skill. But I think it serves as an encouragement - we can learn new tricks, even us old dogs. Sometimes the mentor is the youngest member of the family. Sometimes it is the oldest. If we as families could learn how to do this, maybe that would spread out into our communities and ultimately our country as well? Don’t you think it is worth a try?

In Christ’s family there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us you are all equal. This is, we are all in the common relationship with Jesus Christ. Also, since you are Christ’s family, then you are Abraham’s famous “descendant,” heirs according to the covenant promises. Galatians 3:28-29 The Message

Day 32: Lead by the Shepherd's Staff..

In yesterday’s blog we discussed the shepherd’s rod and its value to the safety and welfare of the sheep. We considered how God shows us how He uses His rod to assist us, not harm us. If the rod provides for the sheep through power, authority, discipline, and defense, then the staff provides protection through gentle encouragement and comfort.

Usually the staff is a long, slender stick with a hook on one end. Even the shepherd is comforted by the staff, as he uses it to lean on for support and strength. Phillip Keller (author of A Shepherd Looks At Psalm 23) reports that one of the most beautiful scenes in the life of a shepherd is when they pick up newborn lambs with the staff to give the lamb to her mother. If the shepherd touches the lamb, there is a risk that the mother will reject the baby because of the odor of the shepherd’s hand. Shy or timid sheep in need of inspection are often drawn to the shepherd by the staff. Most often, the shepherd guides the sheep gently onto a new path, through a treacherous route, or through a narrow gate with his staff. A gentle pressure from the long, slender stick applied to the side of the sheep is usually enough to get them on the right track.

Keller illustrates this principle in his book:

“Being stubborn creatures sheep often get into the most ridiculous and preposterous dilemmas. I have seen my own sheep, greedy for one more mouthful of green grass, climb down steep cliffs where they slipped and fell into the sea. Only my long shepherd’s staff could lift them out of the water back onto solid ground again. One winter day I spent several hours rescuing a ewe that had done this very thing several times before. Her stubbornness was her undoing” (p. 102-103).

Have you ever wondered why, in the midst of a situation, it seems as if you are snatched out of it for no apparent reason? I had a great friend who lost a job she loved. She felt it was snatched out from under her, but she realized a few months later that if she had stayed in that job it would have been detrimental to her well-being. What seemed like cruel fate turned out to be the staff of God.

Faithful is he who is calling you [to himself] and utterly trustworthy, and He will also do it [fulfill His call by hallowing and keep you].

1 Thessalonians 5:15 (Amplified version)

It is my prayer that each of us will come to experience an abundance of comfort—even in the midst of fearful situations—because we appreciate the bigness, the mercy, and the presence of our Good Shepherd. Whether by rod or staff, may we recognize the hand of God in our lives, and trust its intentions for good, not for evil.