A Certain Kind of Suffering
When it comes to suffering, we need to be careful to clarify that we are NOT called to suffer as Jesus did - please never confuse the suffering that the world endures as somehow equivalent. Suffering that is not chosen - famine, genocide, racial discrimination, sexual abuse - is not redemptive in any way. But in this instance, Jesus had a choice and he chose the path of suffering not as a goal, but as a by-product.
This is a specific kind of suffering. His goal was not to suffer as if that was some kind of badge of honor. His goal was to be the man who God created him to be - regardless the cost. This clarifies my own relationship with suffering - a bit. Here are a few questions I ask myself when faced with my own suffering:
1. Is this suffering mine to do? In other words, have I chosen this suffering as a way to align with my core values or has it been foisted upon me? Basically, I am asking a question to figure out what KIND of suffering I am enduring. Redemptive suffering as a result of following God's call to right action, unjust suffering at the hands of a situation or person outside my control, or suffering as a result of poor choices - otherwise known as consequences - which is it?
2. Is this suffering a decision I, and I alone, have made as a reflection of what/who I love more than my own life? This is a rare decision, but I suppose it can also be seen on a spectrum. I might choose to parent a child with a substance use disorder differently than my natural maternal tendencies if I am taught that my natural way of doing something is counter-productive for my child's healing. This will create inner tension and suffering because I am going against my instincts - but this is an honorable choice. I might choose to be a friend to someone who does not treat me as a friend. This would be a choice, a decision to sacrifice my own desire for friendship with this person in service to my value of loving people even when they don't love me back. (Oh so much more to say about this...but that's for another day. This would need to be a carefully thought out and prayed over decision. We do not need anymore martyrs in the world!)
3. How does this suffering contribute to the kingdom of God coming to earth? So much of our suffering is self-imposed or misguided. It is, as Will Willimon is famous for saying, important that an "outside agency" is in play in our decision making. We need to make sure that our "shadow self" - the self-deception, blindspots and other ways we are not self-aware - is not "tricking" us into making choices that are unhealthy and poorly boundaries.
How might your relationship with suffering change in light of these ideas?
