Weekly Blog

Tips, Tricks, Skills, Spirituality and Wisdom

Teresa McBean 2/2/18 Teresa McBean 2/2/18

Truthful Intentions

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Whether I am thinking about change for myself or on behalf of others, it has become a helpful practice for me to identify what stage of change we are in. My husband and I began talking about downsizing five years ago. We were NOT ready for a change but we were willing to have a conversation about the what if’s.

This stage of change is called pre-contemplation. Neither of us was particularly serious about downsizing, but it seemed that we were getting to an age where we should at least start the conversational ball rolling. We daydreamed and discussed, argued and agreed over various pros and cons of making a move.

We didn’t actually DO anything.

Our daughter is philosophically opposed to talking without doing so she began to send us links to homes with first floor masters. Some communities provided all the outside maintenance and lawn care - for a monthly fee of course. On Sunday afternoons we might go to an open house or sit around on our ipads looking at pictures on Zillow (which, fyi, everything looks better via picture than in person).

Fortunately, our daughter recognized that we were not ready for change. She did not grow frustrated with us over our lack of enthusiasm for putting our house on the market. However, her father, my husband tired of our reindeer games and soon was unwilling to look at a picture, much less show up and traipse through an open house.

It’s super crucial for us to realize that when any of us are pre-contemplating, that’s all we’re up to - very little doing and no change is involved in this initial first step toward change. It’s an essential step; this is how change starts!

Let’s make this personal. Are there issues in your own life that you are contemplating - but not ready to address? That’s ok! It’s where you are! But it might help your loved ones to be honest about where you are so that they can adjust their expectations accordingly. And, if you love and serve folks who need to make changes but who teach you that they are early in the change process - good to know! It SHOULD impact how you serve them. For folks who at that first stage of change called pre-contemplation, a listening ear is a wonderful gift. Someone driving them to distraction with action plans isn’t quite as helpful!

Teresa McBean 2/1/18 Teresa McBean 2/1/18

Habits

I am a big fan of habits. I habitually brush my teeth. This is a good thing. I have tons of habitual behaviors that I do without thinking; they keep my brain from overheating with exertion; habits can be our friend.

However, habits can also be our enemy. I developed a habit of putting this really delicious, silky smooth and loaded with sugar creamer in my coffee. Yum! Once I developed the habit of having it, I did not enjoy coffee without it. It was only when I was given information that inspired me to decrease my sugar intake that the lovely little treat that I so enjoyed became my enemy. Because I was habituated to it, it had the power to knock my numbers out of alignment before I had even had breakfast, much less eaten three meals and a snack!

Lately I’ve been re-evaluating my habits. I’ve decided that I want to keep the ones that support my core values but relinquish some that are inconsistent with my values. Coffee with a creamer that doesn’t fit my nutritional objectives has to go. I will miss her.

When I began my journey of eating realignment, I needed education, accountability, support and incentives. Habits don’t just disappear when we wish them gone! I understand that we do better with change when we replace habits, plan for change, and develop a patience for taking steady next right steps toward our goal. Grandiose thinking and change are not great partners.

For today, consider what you would like to change in your world. Tomorrow we will consider change and how it works.

Teresa McBean 1/31/18 Teresa McBean 1/31/18

What are you in the process of becoming?

In closing out the month, I'll ask the question again: What are you preparing for? What process are you engaging?

We are all preparing for something all the time. The question is what are we preparing for? Do we know what we are preparing for? When we don’t know we’re likely preparing for some outcome other than the one that we truly desire. This is because desirable ends require attentive, dedicated, or conscious preparation (as opposed to unconscious preparation).

If we overlook the profound spiritual power of process in our lives then we invite an unmanageable load of disappointment to fill our void. This is because overlooking process means we are overlooking the only opportunity (or opportunities) we have to introduce meaning back into our lives once we've been crippled by circumstances outside of our control.

Being process-oriented people means asking the question, Am I doing everything I can?

If the answer is yes, then we begin a conversation on radical acceptance.

If the answer is no, then consider introducing a more intentional process to your life. Only then will we know what the possibilities are.

Teresa McBean 1/30/18 Teresa McBean 1/30/18

Faith as Process

We become faithful people when we choose to enter in to God's process of shaping us into faithful people.

When we say it this way, we're acknowledging that we're not in control of the outcome that God has in mind for us (individually or collectively). We enter into the process of doing what we can to create space in our lives (and the community's life) for God to move in whatever ways in which he chooses to work.

We may never know the ways in which God chooses to work. All the more reason to dedicate ourselves to be in process and live in radical acceptance. We are only able to control the process we dedicate ourselves to, never the end results. That process creates space for God's movement. And so the process is our goal. It's all we can do.

The rest we leave to God. And we learn to accept whatever that is. God may have specific goals and ends in mind for us.

That's his prerogative. He's God.

Teresa McBean 1/29/18 Teresa McBean 1/29/18

A Faithful Process

Faithful living, in fact, is not particularly results oriented. It has always been about the process of becoming. God gradually transforms us more and more in his likeness as we dedicate ourselves to the spiritual disciplines that facilitate this process (acts of mercy and forgiveness, prayer, communion, worship, etc.). There is not a one-to-one relationship here. 15 minutes of prayer does not make us 15% more holy. I'm just saying that grounding ourselves in spiritual disciplines (or grounding ourselves in the process of becoming people who do spiritual disciplines) opens up the possibility of God's action in ways that might not otherwise exist.

We might say, then, that being faithful people is, fundamentally, the choice to dedicate ourselves to the process of becoming faithful people. I understand that is cyclical language- and I think it works. We become faithful people when we choose to enter in to God's process of shaping us into faithful people.