Positive Emotions are Fleeting

One of the challenges we face in trying to add positive experiences to our lives is finding out fleeting, or temporary, positive emotions can be. We have to be careful, then, that we’re not simply chasing one pleasant experience after another. Building positive emotions in our lives requires more of us than this.

As we talked about the last few days, our goal is not just more moments of happiness but to live a life worth living. We do this through intentionally seeking things out in our lives that make life not only tolerable but enjoyable, and not all of these positive things are fun or pleasant to do. For instance, meditation is something that broadens our minds and our experience of the world.

Research has shown, in particular, that loving-kindness meditations are particularly helpful in this area. While it may be difficult to learn to do, and difficult to practice regularly, and may not be particularly fun, it will increase the internal resources we have to deal with life as it is. It broadens our perspective which allows to engage with life more creatively (as opposed to, say, the fight-or-flight kinds of responses that are more typical).

My point is this: increasing our ability to thrive and experience positive aspects of life is not just about sensation-seeking. It is about adding in things we need in order to grow and develop as humans regardless of how enjoyable they may be. It is also not easy to learn a new skill, develop meaningful relationships, or create time for silence. But, doing so may expand, in a positive way, our experience of our own lives.

It will require hard work...but we can do hard things.

Positive Emotions Open Our World

If you have not read anything by Barbara Frederickson then stop what you are doing and read something. Or watch a video of one of her talks. Her work is a gift. She has long researched positive emotions and the role they play in our lives.

I used to roll my eyes at the positive psychology movement. I thought it was shallow, and only about making us feel good and asking us to ignore our pain and hardship in the process. I was wrong. Very wrong. And, largely, I was wrong because I had not actually spent time exploring what people in this field are actually saying.

In fact, they don’t ask us to ignore anything, or suppress anything. This movement, if anything, is about expanding our emotional range rather than shrinking it. What people like Barbara Frederickson teach us is that we can actively pursue positive emotions in order to broaden our experience of our lives. Positive emotions lead to greater creativity.

Positive emotions lead to greater resilience. Children perform better on math tests if they think of a positive memory before taking a test. Doctors make better decisions about complex cases when given a bag of candy just before having to make the decision. (A weird experiment if you ask me- but helps us see that even a tiny boost in positive emotions can have an unexpectedly large, positive impact.)

Positive emotions create more trust, they lead to better compromise, and they increase our ability to focus on the needs of others rather than just ourselves.

Given all of that information, we may be limiting ourselves if we are not actively seeking to add positive experiences to our lives. We may be limiting our emotional range, our creativity, our flexibility in relationships, and our ability to serve our loved ones and our community.

What can you do, today, that will give you even just a small boost of joy?

Seek Positive Experiences

The past few days we’ve talked a little bit about thriving, and whether we see ourselves as people who deserve to thrive. I’m not talking about getting everything we want in life, or having no pain, etc. What I really want each of us to consider is that we are each valuable people, loved by God, who have the capacity to experience a full life- a life that encompasses our sufferings but is not defined by them.

It’s important, I think, to ask ourselves if we’re doing what we need to do in order to experience life as being worth living.

What types of things do you do that make your life feel like it is worth living?

Or, what types of things did you used to do that helped you feel life was worth living? Perhaps you’ve gotten away from some of these things and may want to get them back, so to speak.

What types of things have you always wanted to do but felt you just did not have the time or emotional resources? Do you want to learn to draw or paint? Do you want to learn to play an instrument? Do you want to read more books? Do you want to get counseling? Do you want to spend more time in nature, or see your friends more often, or cook more meals?

Our lives can be about a lot more than our hardship and, sometimes, we have to intentionally seek positive experiences to add to our lives in order to experience that fullness.

7 So Jesus spoke again, “I assure you that I am the gate of the sheep. 8 All who came before me were thieves and outlaws, but the sheep didn’t listen to them. 9 I am the gate. Whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out and find pasture. 10 The thief enters only to steal, kill, and destroy. I came so that they could have life—indeed, so that they could live life to the fullest.

John 10:7-10, CEB

“Deserve” is Not a Biblical Concept...Is it?

I jokingly say this to my wife, Brittany, whenever the concept of deserving something comes up. She rolls her eyes.

It’s true- “deserve” is not really biblical language. It’s in the Bible, of course. The majority of the references are positive (someone is given something more than they deserve, or they do not receive a consequence they perceive they deserve).

On the aggregate, though, we know God’s plan is to draw all people together under his love, regardless of who they are and what they’ve done. The God of the Bible is a God who undermines our understanding of the word “deserve” by blessing all of creation in a way that it does not “deserve.”

But, when I ask the question, “Do you deserve to thrive?” I’m not asking if you were born good or sinful or if God loves you or if there’s life after death.

I’m asking if you recognize your own value.

I’m asking if you recognize your own worth.

I’m asking if you recognize that you’re worthy of love.

I’m asking if you recognize that you deserve to live a life worth living (of course, there are many questions about how we go about doing that).

So, do you deserve to thrive?

Your Loved Ones Deserve to Thrive, Why Don’t You?

From yesterday:

Most people are uncomfortable saying that they “deserve” something, even if that thing is thriving. Yet, at the same time, we tend to think our loved ones deserve to thrive.

So why is it that I don’t deserve something that someone else does?

It feels a bit selfish to say you deserve something. It feels a bit entitled perhaps. So I think we tend to default to the polite answer which we hope communicates something like, “I don’t see myself as being special or more important than someone else?”

But that’s not really what I’m asking. I’m not asking if you’re special or important. I’m asking if you see yourself as a person who deserves the same things that you think your loved ones deserve. In other words, are you as important as those you love? Are you as worthy of love, kindness, grace, and mercy as those you love?

If not, why not?