Finding the Right People (pt. 1)

“Anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you.”

Misty Copeland

If we do not have the right people around to support all the ups and downs that go along with becoming a person who risks failures and setbacks in order to grow, then I’m not sure anyone will ever be able to become a person who lives on a growth path.

This is one of the few certainties in my life; I am lucky to have a partner and kids and friends who believe in growth and do not react to my limitations with judgment. They have long ago taught me that they do not sit in the cheap seats watching from afar and commentating on my foolishness.

I can be foolish; I think that comes with being human, so I try not to hold it against myself when I am. And that’s point two: it does not matter how many right people are there to support us if we do not agree that we are worth supporting.

This is a very very big point. If we are not careful, we can confuse support with dependence. And that, my friends, NEVER works to build a growth mindset.

So - in review:

1. Find people who support us. This may take awhile, and I suspect along the way we will have to recalibrate our choices as more is revealed about the nature of others.

2. Commit to supporting ourselves. Lean into this idea of failure as a learning experience not a judgment call.

To be continued.

Developing a New Mindset

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”

Corrie Ten Boom

I honestly do not know how to tell anyone anything meaningful about abandoning any powerful emotion in favor of love. I just do not know. I do know it is a great idea. I’m also learning some things about change. And who in their right mind could possibly believe that nothing needs to change at this particular moment in time?

Has anyone ever said to you, “Just stop worrying!” Does it help? What about all those other helpful suggestions of what YOU need to stop - as if you haven’t thought about that yourself a million times?

What does help?

There is power in believing that we can improve and accomplish what we set out to achieve. But this is NOT a vague message about having more faith, or sticking with hope, or even God has got this so stop whining. This is a very specific way of believing.

It relates to how we experience failures and setbacks.

When we develop a mindset that sees our failures and setbacks as opportunities for growth - we are developing the kind of resilience that allows us to face challenging situations and come to believe that we can improve and accomplish goals that are important to us.

How do we accomplish this shift? I have some ideas. Stay tuned! For today, if you are interested in bolstering your resilience and capacity for achieving your goals, give thought to this idea that failures and setbacks as opportunities for GROWTH.

Hear me clearly - the focus is on the belief that we can GROW. This does not mean that we will necessarily succeed at everything we try. This is not magic. But what it does mean is that we can alleviate some suffering, worry and sorrow which will free us up to find more productive ways to cope with our lives - and maybe even thrive.

Choosing Love

“May I remember that my life is what it is, not what I ask for. May I practice with what I’m given, rather than wish for something else… When the going gets tough may I choose love over fear. Every time.”

Katrina Kenison

Choose love over fear. Every time.

Today, may we choose love. Tomorrow? We are going to begin a conversation on how to change our resentful, fearful and sad relationship with self-sabotage.

Glimpses of God’s Love

“And the time comes one morning when you wake up and find that you have become irrevocably what you were preparing all this time to be.”

Katherine Anne Porter

I do not know if this is true for others, but for me, the older I get the more my life makes sense. I understand myself a bit more and can give myself a tiny dose of compassion and empathy around the choices I made that are, perhaps, regrettable.

Although I do not know if it is true, I feel the hands of God on my timeline. I sense his presence and even intervention. Rarely was this apparent in real time.

As I age I think less about what I might mess up and more about what I will miss if I fail to pay attention. I feel far less pressure to perform because I have lost all confidence in my ability to control.

There is peace in this. My prayer for us -

God, help us to believe in your presence even when we cannot feel it. Help us to trust in you even when we do not understand you. Give us glimpses of your love for us so that we might carry on with courage.

Amen

What Are You Grateful For Today?

“If you begin and finish your days with thoughts of gratitude, you’ll find yourself living from a place of abundance rather than lack. Those first and final moments set the tone for the many minutes that fall in between.”

Erica Layne

So what are you grateful for today? Can you make a list and see where it takes you? And if your list, no matter how long, is not enough to ease the suffering of all that you have lost, that’s ok too.

Some of us have lost things that are way too big to be replaced by gratitude. So go easy on yourself. Try for a little gratitude.