A Humble Faith

Over 50% of our community is comprised of men and women in early recovery. Most of them were raised by family who took them to church, enforced scripture memory, embedded in their very souls a belief in God. And they struggle with substance use disorder, co-occurring disorders, and trauma. Sure, there are some who also wrestle with believing in a Higher Power. They ask hard questions like, "Where was God when....?" And the "whens" are awful - so I respect the questioning.

But most have faith. This faith is filled with lots of expectations. They will recite the scriptures about faith and moving mountains. Even though their addiction feels like Mt. Everest, they believe that faith can and SHOULD move mountains. This is a bit of a problem because for some, in spite of their most sincere attempts to get sober, they will never see their own mountain moved. I suppose that is why I admire their faith; they have the kind of faith that believes even when it cannot be seen. There is no evidence that their faith is moving a mountain, or curing their affliction. They judge themselves for this perceived lack of faith. Occasionally someone will mention the passage about having the faith the size of a mustard seed as an acceptable standard for faith, but rarely. This judgment breaks my heart.

This is why I am so grateful for the entirety of the scriptures because God shows us what faith looks like over a large swath of history in the Bible. Take for example Judges 6. The People of Israel have gone back, yet again, to doing evil in God's sight. God put them under the domination of Midian for seven years. The mighty chosen people of God are hiding out in caves and whatnot under this awful oppression.

Then one day the angel of God comes, sits down under an oak tree, and says to Gideon, "God is with you mighty warrior!" This is a very weird thing to say, because Gideon in that current moment, cannot not muster up a seed of faith. Gideon sees himself as the, and I quote from The Message translation here, "the runt of the litter." Through a series of tests by Gideon of God, there eventually comes a day when Gideon lives into his name. He becomes a mighty warrior; he saves his people from oppression.

Gideon gives me a broader perspective on faith. He carried out the will of God without belief that he had any. God used the runt of the litter to save his misbehaving people. Because God can and will do what God wants. Faith is not about our muscles, it is not about our obedience, it is a gift. Faith is, as the scriptures also says, evidence of things not seen.

Faith is evidence that somehow, someway, God shows up and reveals himself to us in such a way that we are willing to do something different because of the way we see ourselves in relation to life. We realize that some days, we are the evidence. As evidence, we make choices that are faithful. Faith is not about us. It is about God.

So today, whatever you are doing, whoever you are being, just remember: you have an opportunity to receive a gift from God that allows you the privilege of being someone's reason to believe. Even if you are the runt of the litter.

PS. I write this blog today with a heavy heart. My friend, Lugene has for over twenty years read this blog, which used to be daily. She passed away recently, and this is the first one I have written since she headed home to God. Over the years she would send me emails about her experience with it, post it on Facebook, forward it to friends. Today, I have to muster faith to even write one; without her here, it feels so very sad to even try. Thank you Lugene for your faithfulness. My friend, I miss you.

Stop fighting things that don’t serve you

Last week I tried to talk about surrender (the 3rd principle of the 12 steps) in a way that was concrete. I did this to help myself out, to be honest, because I struggle with abstract concepts. The best I can do, surely someone out there has said this “better,” is to think of surrender as the process of stopping fighting things which don’t serve us well.

Perhaps we could think of surrendering as having a few components: the ability to recognize what isn’t serving us well and then the strength to find ways to stop engaging in whatever that thing is. One thing you could do in response to this little post, if you wanted, is to think about what isn’t serving you well right now…and then to think about whether or not you want to address that thing (or those things).

The things that don’t serve us well tend to be habits. They are things we do predictably, over and over, almost automatically. They are patterns. And, each and every one of us has patterns that are useful and patterns that are not so useful. The hard part is trying to figure out how to lean on the useful ones and how to move on from the not-so-useful ones. The following passage from Romans speaks to this, in a way.

Don’t be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you can figure out what God’s will is—what is good and pleasing and mature.

- Romans 12:2, CEB

Patterns. Who we are, as people, is shaped by our patterns. We know this from research on habits…and long before that research we knew it from Aristotle who called this “virtue.” The things that we do over and over again we’ll continue to do over and over again unless we break that cycle and form new patterns. And so the idea here is to break patterns of thinking that pull us away from God in order to replace them with things that draw us closer.

What are some of the patterns of this world? Well- these are the things our culture teaches us that pull us away from our higher way of seeing and being in the world (aka, the way of seeing and being that aligns with God’s will). Some examples from our culture include: greed, ambition, success, isolation, “strength” (aka hiding weakness and vulnerability), avoiding reliance on others, distrusting other people or groups, blame shifting, scapegoating. The list could go on and on.

What do we replace those with? I’m spitballing here, there are many things that could be said, but forgiveness grace, mercy, generosity, hospitality, warmth, acceptance, openness, love, peace, patience, kindness, and so on. There are no shortage of Godly values for us to prioritize. The hard part is figuring out how to actually do that.

In order to adopt those new patterns, you’re going to have to trust yourself. You need to pay attention to yourself and trust what you see and experience. Experiment with different wayas of chasing these values and see what actually makes a difference. See what things pull you closer to God. If you can do that, then your mind will be refreshed and renewed, you’ll be able to better discern God’s will, and better able to live a life that is both pleasing and mature.

How to surrender without giving up

We’re in a series on the principles contained within the 12 steps of AA. The third principle is surrender. This one is a bit abstract for me, I’ll confess, and sometimes I have to find a “back door” way of thinking about it in order to figure out how I would practice it. Other words that come up when we talk about surrender are things like powerlessness, letting go, even something like giving up.

When I think about these ideas, and I try to find a way to be really concrete, what comes up for me is something like this: There’s a sense in which surrender means refusing to continue fighting for something that isn’t serving us particularly well. It’s an active choice to engage the change process as opposed to an active choice to remain the same. Engaging the change process means doing things that feel hard and counterintuitive. Things that require planning, discipline, accountability, and support. There’s a lot of work that goes into it. And, because there’s a lot of work that goes into it, it feels like something we might call surrender.

This is all territory that’s pretty well-trodden, though. Let’s see if we can’t find a slightly different angle just for the sake of balance and experimentation and flexibility. Those are good things…right? Let’s start with a passage.

So, brothers and sisters, because of God’s mercies, I encourage you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice that is holy and pleasing to God. This is your appropriate priestly service.

Romans 12:1, CEB

This is a passage that can cause a lot of shame, particularly for those of us who are pretty sure we have not pleased God. However, I want to reframe that, but it’s going to take me a moment to get there. So hang with me.

One way of looking at surrender is to consider what it means to try to live a life that pleases God. The word “try” is important- perfection is never expected and, in point of fact, the whole point of Christ dying on the cross is to cover our imperfections on our behalf. Keep that in the back of your minds.

Now, we are in tricky territory when we talk about pleasing something other than ourselves. People get a bit prickly when you talk about living to please. Trying to make another human being happy is a fool’s errand and I think we’d all agree without talking much more about it. And I’m guessing some of us carry this mentality into our relationship with God. Is trying to please him unhealthy in some way? Does it mean somehow giving up important parts of ourselves?

We should know a few things. Pleasing God is not complicated. It may or may not be easy, I’m not sure, but it isn’t complicated. God’s expectations lie in trying to take care well for ourselves and others. A life that pleases God is one in which we take care of ourselves and others.

Let’s just take a step back and simplify this whole thing. Can I make a really bold proposal? I’m going to take that as a yes. One way of thinking about this is: when we are at our best, God is pleased with us. This is because when we are at our best, the best stuff happens! If you don’t believe me, consider the opposite: when you’re not at your best…what happens? You’re stressed out, you don’t think clearly, you’re more edgy, you act out, you isolate, etc. etc. When we’re at our worst…the worst stuff happens…right?

I believe the reverse is also true. When we’re at our best, we make better choices. We are more attentive to others. We have more capacity to do hard things. And in all of this, God delights.

For this reason, I suggest you think less about surrender, and even less about pleasing God, and more about what it takes for you to be at your best. Being at your best may require some really difficult work. It might involve sacrifice. It might involve asking for help. It might be painful. But, it can also be worth it in order to arrive at the best you so that the life you live pleases God so naturally you don’t even have to think about it.

Sometimes hope doesn’t feel like anything

We’ve gotten confused about what hope is. We talked about this last week, a bit. We talked about false optimism, specifically. That’s one mistake we make- thinking that hope is somehow similar to optimism. Another mistake we make is believing that hope makes us feel better…or that hope is what comes to us once we start to feel better. But, biblically, there are so many examples of hope being about what happens before someone truly believes or trust that the future might be brighter than the present. Here’s an example.

May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,

even as we put our hope in you.

~ Psalm 33:22, NIV

Here are a few things I notice about this passage. Placing hope in God seems to be an act of trust. This is the prayer of someone in a dark moment. They are not feeling hopeful about God. In fact, the act of placing hope in God seems unsettling. Because it’s so unsettling, they’re making a request: In exchange for my hope, surround me with love so that I can tolerate the challenge of placing my hope in You. That’s something, isn’t it? It’s very different than the false optimism of: I know you’re going to take care of me so I’m happy to place my hope in you.

A few other things I notice. Having hope doesn’t necessarily make us feel better. That’s why the person praying this prayer needs to be surrounded by love. Hope isn’t improving the emotional life of the pray-er. It’s more of a belief than a feeling, which suggests that hope, at least in this case, is more of a mental state than an emotional one. At the same time, that doesn’t mean we don’t receive something that helps us tolerate low hope and low belief. We do: it’s the love of God. The love of God helps us tolerate periods of low hope. And lastly, hope is a process- we are placing hope in God and trusting that doing so will have benefits. But having hope in and of itself does not immediately provide the benefit we’re looking for. That’s why we need love.

All that leads me to this: Hope is believing things can theoretically improve, even if we aren’t sure they will. Even if we’re worried they won’t. Even if our belief in the likelihood of them improving is small. And, while we’re waiting for these things to turn around or improve, love gives us the strength to carry on.

A better future is not as far away as it seems…

The last time I was at the beach I stood at the edge of the water looking at the horizon…as one does. Rather than simply starting- a question occurred to me for the first time in my life and, frankly, I was embarrassed I’d never thought of it before.

“How far away is the horizon?”

What I was wondering was- how far can I actually see right now? It feels like you’re seeing all the way to the end of the earth. It’s not hard to imagine why primitive people once thought the earth was flat…and why some oddballs still do (watch out or we’ll start talking about how Stanley Kubrick faked the moon landing). Jokes aside- I knew I couldn’t see the end of the earth- because I couldn’t even see land. If I could see all the way across I would have been able to see Portugal or Morocco or something like that. I’m not too good at geography.

But…surely the horizon is 100’s of miles away…right?

According to Google (and experimental AI), the horizon is about 3 miles away at sea level. 3 miles. That’s like an hour's walk (if you could walk across the ocean). In fact that’s disappointingly close. It feels vast and infinite to look out across the ocean but it’s actually the same distance as it is from your house to the grocery store. When I found that out- it sucked all the wonder out of that experience for me.

But I’m revisiting this experience this week as I think about hope. I’ll say more about this in a minute but let’s look at a passage first.

22 We know that the whole creation is groaning together and suffering labor pains up until now.23 And it’s not only the creation. We ourselves who have the Spirit as the first crop of the harvest also groan inside as we wait to be adopted and for our bodies to be set free. 24 We were saved in hope. If we see what we hope for, that isn’t hope. Who hopes for what they already see? 25 But if we hope for what we don’t see, we wait for it with patience. Romans 8:22-25, CEB

Okay okay let me rant for a second. This passage makes it very clear that the Bible does not believe in what is now being called “toxic positivity.” If you’re not on Tic Tok, toxic positivity is basically the prosperity gospel re-packed: positive thoughts will lead to positive outcomes. Ignore the negative, embrace the positive, and everything will work out. It is ignorant optimism. By ignorant I mean- toxic positivity is refusing to deal with actual harsh realities that are part of life. Toxic Positivity is Tony Robbins telling everyone on earth that if they believe it they can achieve it. I’m sorry but that is horse shit.

Now- let me nuance myself a bit. This doesn’t mean that positivity can’t help us. It can. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t apply ourselves, we should. It doesn’t mean we should give ourselves permission not to try. Most people are capable of more than they think are, and learning that requires applying yourself, pushing yourself, maybe a little bit of commitment and discipline and so on. And we can still recognize the God’s honest actual truth: I was never going to play in the NBA no matter how hard I tried. No amount of willpower, positive attitude, or can-do attitude was going to make me even 6-feet tall, let alone 6-3, 6-4, or 6-5. I’m short, I’m slow, I’m uncoordinated, I’m low-energy, the list goes on.

The good news is- hope (biblical hope) has nothing to do with any of this. Hope is not blindly believing that you can manipulate the universe with “good vibes only.” It’s not about creating your “ideal” future by setting an intention and actionable goals. So let’s talk about the passage.

Creation groans and suffers. Why? Because things are not as they should be. There is pain, sadness, unfairness, injustice, and evil. If we could simply get the exact life we want for ourselves by “believing and achieving” then we might say creation is what it should be. It would at least be fair. But this isn’t the case. In fact- the passage suggests that we are kind of trapped in this version of creation…not even truly free.

What saves us? What sets us free?

Well…hope. But hope for what? What kind of hope?

The hope that God will one day transform creation into what it was always meant to be: a place defined by God’s ideal way of life. That way of life is free from judgment, full of mercy, grace, and steadfast love. It’s free from pain and suffering and full of God’s spirit. This doesn’t happen because of our beliefs, or because of the power of positive thinking, it happens because this is what God intends to accomplish. It’s what He’s been working on since the beginning of creation. Creation was always meant to be a place that perfectly embodies God’s love…and God has been (perhaps too slowly, if we could utter a complaint) in the process of transforming creation into that very place from day one.

The work is not yet finished…but it one day will be. That is our hope. That is what inspires us to embody God’s love in the present- to offer the world a taste of what’s to come. More success and more achievement don’t offer us any kind of glimpse into the world God is creating…love is the thing that does that.

And, according to the passage, it’s hard to see that God is doing this. It’s difficult to believe. It requires patience. Unlike the prosperity gospel and the gospel of toxic positivity, scripture suggests that we must exercise patience and endure hardship. Pain and suffering are not things we can simply overcome by making “better” choices. They are things we tolerate while we wait upon the Lord.

Now, if I’ve done my job well, then you’ve totally forgotten about the fact that I started us off by talking about the horizon. But I haven’t forgotten! So why was I talking about all that?

As I was thinking about hope this week- it changed how I looked at this experience with the horizon. Remember- I was disappointed to find out that the horizon was so close when it seemed so far. Finding out the truth robbed me of a bit of joy and wonder. But…could there be a different metaphor we could draw out of this that might help me reverse course?

Here’s what I’ve got in mind. It can seem discouraging to think about trying to find hope in something that seems so far away. To put it differently- the idea that God will one day finish His work on creation might not inspire that much hope. It might seem too distant to have any emotional connection to.

But what if it weren’t so far away? What if it looks like 100’s of miles away but it’s only 3? What if we can make it seem closer based on how we live?

This is the whole point of the “first fruits” talk in this passage after all. The full harvest is not yet here, but it’s starting. The first few fruits of the crop are starting to appear. The first few kernels of popcorn are popping. We don’t have a whole bowl yet, but we know it’s coming.

Except, in this case, the thing that’s coming is more of God’s love. And we can make it seem closer by spreading the love we have received to those around us here, in the present moment. The more love is spread, the more of the “first fruits” we see. In this way, the horizon doesn’t seem so far off. In fact, it just feels like a refining of what we’re already experiencing if we’re grounded in a community that surrounds us with love.

All that to say- hope doesn’t require you to lie to yourself. And it doesn’t require you to pretend like bad things are actually good for you. No, hope is about learning to love and trusting that will be contagious and lead to even more love. More love reminds us that God is on the horizon…and that the horizon is not so far away.