Empathy for Outbursts

For a month’s worth of posts, I (Scott) am critiquing my own past blog posts. I’m viewing this as an experiment in being willing to admit when I’m wrong, change my mind, and to do so publicly.

Our unhealthy reactions (or outbursts) to deeper problems that hide beneath the surface represent our body's attempt to distance itself from something unpleasant.  I've used grief as an example this month as grief is what hides beneath the surface for me at the moment.  Other unpleasant things our bodies avoid include: trauma, stress, anxiety, fear, betrayal, threats, the future, the past, the present, the unknown, and so on and so forth.  Each individual person maintains triggers that are particular to him or her and those are simply some of the options.  

The bottom line is, regardless of what triggers us, our reaction to the trigger, when we're unaware of what lies beneath, is unlikely to result in others extending empathy towards us.  This is because our reactions appear so unrelated to the reality of what lies that beneath that the people that are caught up in our outbursts cannot help but feel anything other than confused, annoyed, angry, resentful, etc.  An outburst does not provide the people around us the information they need in our bear a burden alongside us.  

An outburst is a sign that we need help, but people generally don't experience outbursts that way.  It tends to be that people on the receiving end of an outburst see the person who "outbursted" as a person to avoid.  

Scott on Scott:

I actually kind of like this post. It’s important to take time to reflect on how other people are experiencing us. It’s also important to take time to reflect on how we are actually doing. It is, then, important to be able to voice how we are doing to others and to, potentially, ask for what we need (if we need something). This way people can respond to us based on what’s going on with us and what we need rather than just our reactions to things. 

Also, if you want to receive empathy, it’s a good idea to offer as much of it to others as you can (as well as grace).